So, let’s say you’re one of the people who’s not going to BlogHer this weekend. That sucks. I am sorry. I will miss you.
Since you’re missing out on the opportunity to talk to me, observe me hiding in a corner, or eavesdrop on my drunken conversation I’m having with the bartender, here’s what you’re not learning about me:
- I blush very easily. Like, ridiculously easy. It’s embarrassing. So when I start to blush, I get embarrassed about blushing and then blush some more. Then I am essentially purple. It’s a hot look. Also, for this very reason, I do not drink red wine…because it literally does turn me purple.
What you’re missing out on:My face turning red when I meet my bloggy friends for the first time. Also, the reason why I threw a glass of red wine at a waiter. How DARE he not know this about me? EVERYONE READS MY BLOG.
- I talk really fast. I can’t help it. It’s probably because I’m hyper most of the time.
What you’re missing out on:Me having conversations with people I don’t know and leaving them looking confused as to what the hell I just said. Sometimes this happens even if I talk slow. Remember, I’m a nerd. Occasionally I forget not everyone references Seinfeld episodes like the bible.
- I have totally weird toes. I’m not exaggerating this at all. I got them from my mom. My second toes (also known as “monkey toes”) are trying to take over the world. So far they’ve only defeated my big toes.
What you’re missing out on:People writing “weird feet” on my business cards to remember me, and me trying to walk in heels. By “trying,” I mean holding back tears with a huge fake smile on my face and walking similar to Ozzy Osborne.
- I would prefer if every day were a slumber party. Complete with popcorn and sleeping bags and horror movies and girl talk and staying up way too late.
What you’re missing out on:Me trying to find as many people that want to do this. In their room. Because I don’t think the hubs will be keen to this. And I also don’t think you want to see him in his undies. I mean, he is hot and all, but you know. It’s someone else’s husband in their undies. Weird. And awkward. But still cute.
- If I get too drunk, I hide in the bathroom. It’s been my weird go-to for years. I assume it’s because I get the spins and figure – HEY! If I’m gonna spew, at least the toilet’s right there! Nevermind that it’s 9pm.
What you’re missing out on:Hopefully, not this. I don’t plan on getting shitfaced, internets. I also don’t get piss-drunk very often. Usually the drunk sneaks up on me. I’m planning on “drinking responsibly.” At least while I’m at Martha Stewart’s.
- And finally, I’m a really nice person. Yes, I judge people and am sarcastic and will almost always be trying to make you laugh, but I’m a really nice person. Come talk to me!
What you’re missing out on:Getting to know the coolest, most awesome person on the planet. Oh, and I’ll be there too.