…if you enjoy reading my blog (and GOOD GOD WHO WOULDN’T?!), would you mind giving me a couple of clicks?
I’ve reached an epic all time low in the ratings on these sites, so I could use some help! All you need to do is click on each of the banners above and then click again where it says to vote! Then the skies will open up in a sea of rainbows and flowers will bloom and maybe the rest of the snow will melt in Minneapolis! Really. It’s up to you.
Oh, and thanks. 
I bought something online.
But it was necessary.
I visited my therapist this week and unloaded on her. She agreed that the culmination of the past month’s events would be enough to send anyone over the edge, no less someone who’s very familiar with PPD/A.
Sometimes it just takes hearing it from someone else’s mouth to make it all the more easy to deal with.
I can’t control a lot of things, like when Abby gets sick, or when scary stuff happens at work. I CAN try to control other things, like how much sleep I get, or stopping myself from feeling overwhelmed.
So, we devised a plan which I later shared with the hubs about how we as a family can help me, the mama, not go off the deep end. One plan is how we handle our sleep situations when Abby’s sick (like alternating having someone sleep on the couch (and that person gets the uninterrupted sleep) every other night). Another is assigning chores and days to complete them for the house. I left her office feeling optimistic; still on-edge, but optimistic. Once I finally got enough cojones to talk to the hubs (like I said before, I have communication issues) and we discussed things, I feel better.
Immediately, I knew what I had to do.
I had to buy this:
The bamboo dry erase board by CB2. I had the remnants of the gift card left after making our combined birthday purchase of this duvet. So, after docking the $35 I had left on there, this only cost me about $35 (with shipping).
I know, I broke my month long online shopping hiatus. But I really feel like this will be SO VERY HELPFUL in our kitchen so we’re both reminded of our daily chores. If we know I’m only going to do laundry on certain days of the week, I know it should all be downstairs near the washing machine or it’s not going to get done. And if the hubs sees that it’s Sunday night and he should take care of the recycling & garbage, then I wont’ have to be a nag. Hopefully, it’ll turn our house into a well oiled machine, instead of being on OSHA’s watch list with a manic, chocolate & wine inhaling micro-manager at the helm.
Not to mention this so much prettier than those ugly white dry erase boards. Am I right? Can I get a witness?
In any case, I will not buy anything else this month. And if I don’t, I’m still $165 richer than I was last month.
In other news? SNOW IS MELTING. ABBY IS GETTING BETTER. LIGHT AT THE END OF THE WINTER TUNNEL.
And I think this weekend we’re going to finally replace the point & shoot camera I lost on the way to Mexico earlier this year. (Hence the lack of cute Abbers videos lately.) Get ready to be bombarded by the cute.
Sounds…delish.
This afternoon, I have an appointment for my first mammogram. Yes, I am young (30, if you must know), but I have good reason to be starting so soon. Breast cancer surrounds me. My dad’s mom & sister both had it (and both are in remission), two of my mom’s sisters had it (one is in remission, one sadly passed away almost 3 years ago). My grandmother passed away due to a 5 year battle with ovarian cancer, which is closely linked to breast cancer. I’ve posted about these things many times. (For all the posts, click here.)
So, when I reached the ripe old age of 30, it was decided that I should begin annual mammograms. Did you know you’re not supposed to wear deodorant (for me, Dove Clinical) or lotion (Philosophy’s Pure Grace) when you have a mammogram? My appointment is at three-something today. Do you get where I’m going with this?
I am sweaty. My arms are dry. And I smell.
I LOADED the perfume on when I left the house for work today. It has been no match. Luckily (for everyone else) I don’t have any meetings today, so no one should be subjected to the horror that is my armpits.
My mom (who thankfully has been cancer free, and also doesn’t carry the breast cancer gene) ensured me that they would have like, baby wipes there to get the deoderant off, and that I should just wear it. Ma, I know you’re probably right, but this deod is FOR REAL. It doesn’t come off easily. And I don’t want any false alarms when it comes to smooshing my dirty pillows in highly technological machine.
So, I shall stink. And hopefully have an “all clear” after today.
I was going to say “winning,” but after you finish reading the contents of this post, I didn’t want anything that might make me sound like Charlie Sheen.
Maybe I’ll say victory.
I haven’t been to seen the Magic Doctor (read: therapist) since before Christmas. I haven’t mentioned her here since September. Honestly, things felt better. I haven’t had an anxiety stomach since I don’t even know when. I’ve been happy with my job and not so worried about being a stay at home mom.
As I type this, I had in my head that I didn’t know why I suddenly feel like I’ve fallen down an emotional flight of stairs. I had thought maybe it was pressure I’ve been putting on myself to take care of everything at home. Really, I know it’s the culmination of a lot of things. I don’t cope well with change. (I don’t cope well with a lot of things, let’s be honest.) In the past month, the company I work for laid off 8% of it’s workforce, and we were kept in limbo wondering if we were losing our jobs. Luckily, I got to keep mine. We ended up with Abby in the ER on Sunday night. And when all this shit hits the fan, when I start feeling myself slipping down those first steps, I just try to deal. I try to fix in my mind whatever is pushing me. I try to focus on what makes me happy. It’s when I realize that nothing is making me stay happy that I’m falling.
That’s the way I’ve felt for weeks.
It grosses me out to think that my online shopping hiatus is adding to this, because as I jokingly title posts like that, it is what it is – retail therapy. I’m broke and not allowing myself to shop online and I have nowhere to put my negative energy. And it builds.
So, that’s where I stand. I have an appointment scheduled to see the Magic Doctor next week. Sorry if you’re a friend or family member reading this not knowing I felt this way right now. Sorry if it seems weird that I have an easier time typing this for the whole interwebs to read before I would pick up the phone and call. I have trouble talking to people about this kind of stuff. If you couldn’t already figure that out.
Rest assured I’m not going off the deep end like Charlie Sheen. Although you can catch my first vlog tomorrow night entitled “Tiger Blood and Warlocks equal #WINNING.”
First. THE CROUP! It’s strikes again! “But Jenna!” you exclaim, “it’s only been less than 4 weeks since she had it!” Why YES, internets, you’re correct! So, imagine my surprise when we ended up in the ER at nearly 11pm Sunday night with our Abbers and the worst stridor we’ve seen. Poor girl was so tired and feverish and couldn’t sleep because we were in a noisy ER with drunk fools and other kids with respiratory problems. Alas, they gave her an oral dose of Prednisone and after an hour of observation, we were allowed to go home. At 1am. I don’t need to tell you that her sleep schedule (and thus, her sleep training) has taken a gigantic shit. I only hope that when she’s finally feeling better (probably sometime in May when the snow has finally melted) (I’m not being sarcastic either) she’ll go to bed like a good girl again.
I will say, the difference without and now with the steriods is NIGHT AND DAY. She’s so much better this time around, though still sick with a cough & runny nose, but so much less struggling with breathing at night.
Now, the other part of my post. It’s only been eight days since I put myself in an online shopping ban and I’m going INSANE. I’m not allowing myself to look, because if I look, I will buy. The not looking is what’s so hard. Just because I’m not visiting those sites anymore, doesn’t mean I don’t see their products. Must…not…look…
I DID buy Abby a dress at Hanna Anderson this weekend at ye olde Mall of America.
(it was on sale)
But it’s been 8 days, and I haven’t bought anything yet. This is going to be a long month.
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