Cats & Justin Timberlake. I’m nearing a trifecta here.
Archive for April, 2013
Category other people are awesome, posting on-the-go, the cats
Category Abigail, motherhood, other people are awesome, paparazzi, toddler business
I’ve had The Clash in my head since Tuesday night. Except replacing “the law” with “the wall.” It’s just too fitting for Abby’s most recent episode.
Tuesday night, as the three of us were at the in-law’s home (waiting out another house showing) (buy my house), Abby and Papa were playing “bug hunt” in the basement. Apparently, Abby was enthusiastically running away from the vacuum when she ran straight into a wall (or a corner?), face first. I wasn’t in the room, but could hear a thud followed by blood curdling screams. I could tell almost immediately that she was for-real-seriously hurt, but when I saw her on the bottom step of the basement stairs with blood covering her face and Papa’s hand, I got woozy.
“Mom mode” kicked in and I quickly carried her up the stairs for a closer look. Nana got a paper towel and an ice cube, and we put them on her bleeding lip. It was then I realized it wasn’t just a split lip, but two perfect teeth marks DEEP into her lower lip. I knew we had to take her to the ER. This was looking like stitch territory.
(My “I am not amused” face.)
This isn’t her first trip to the ER rodeo. Back when she was nearly 1.5 years old we took her in for croup-related stridor. This though? Scary on a totally different level. She was hysterical from the pain and seeing all the blood, but we piled into the hubs’ car and headed in.
Thankfully, after having her lip cleaned up (and out) (gross) the doc decided that although she could put a stitch in each hole, they would probably heal up just as well on their own, with less irritation from the stitches. (THANK GOD. Holding my child while she gets a stitch in her lip? NO THANK YOU.) She was allowed to leave with nothing more than a printout of “laceration home treatment” and a blue slushie, with the nurse letting us know that her lip was likely going to look “like hamburger” for a few days.
(He wasn’t lying. Also, he looked like Meatloaf aka “Bitch Tits” from the movie Fight Club. It really rounded out the whole ER experience.)
Abbers and I stayed home from school & work yesterday to let her face rest, and to ice her lip every few hours as the doc had prescribed. She used the time to practice being a princess. And also to eat all the food. Does a traumatic event usher in endless hunger? Girlfriend ate about 3,428 Angry Birds Honey Grahams.
Today she went back to school and while her lip looks like something out of a horror movie, she assures me it doesn’t hurt so I think she’s on the mend. We took the train into downtown and I kind of felt like yelling, “STOP JUDGING, EVERYONE ON THIS TRAIN.”
(Sidenote: I texted my bestie during this ordeal and she mentioned what I (of course) was thinking – “Has CPS stopped by yet? :)” because GOOD LORD. Thankfully this clearly was a “toddler coordination” issue, but I’ve heard horror stories of “interviews” during ER visits from people I’ve shared this story with. So glad that wasn’t a part of this experience.)
All in all, quite the Tuesday night.
In house related news, we have another showing tomorrow (buy our house) but no offers yet. SOMEONE BUY MY HOUSE. KTHX.
Category house stuffs, marriage, motherhood, not so much, paparazzi, toddler business
You guys. This house selling business? Pretty much the dumbest thing we’ve ever decided to do. I mean, yeah – in the end it will be a new chapter in our lives that shapes…blah blah zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Sorry. So tired. Because BUY MY HOUSE.
After stressing for a few weeks, and staging, purging, organizing, cleaning, and shoving all remaining items into closets, drawers, and please don’t look under our bed…our house hit the market Saturday morning. And minutes later, we had our first showing scheduled. Yesterday we had another, and then an open house.
It’s only been 3 days and I’m already freaking out. What if nobody buys it. What it the reasons I want to move are all the things people can see in the house?
The first couple ‘s feedback was A great house. Number two on our list. Good. VERY good.
The second couple’s feedback? Too close to high school. Uh….I KNOW. As a newly married couple who bought this house over five years ago? We could literally give a fuck. We had many fucks to give on this topic. Now? GET OFF MY LAWN WITH YOUR CHEETOS BAGS YOU JERKS. But seriously, for 2.5 years of being in this house I didn’t care. Now? I just want a more family friendly hood in an awesome school district. (I’m so old.) So…someone has to have the capacity to look past that small issue, right? Because we did?
Back to this being a dumb idea – who the hell can keep their house this clean? I mean, I can’t even BEGIN to imagine what happens to larger families with houses that sit on the market for MONTHS. How do you keep a house SPOTLESS for that long? I mean, we’ve had ours “photo ready” since Friday and already I feel like the worst mom on the planet. On Sunday, two hours before a showing and open house, Abby managed to spill her apple juice three times that morning. After the third time I sternly told her “WE ARE TRYING TO KEEP THE HOUSE CLEAN AND YOU’RE MAKING MAMA SAD WHEN YOU SPILL.” (Great parenting, me. That’ll stop three-year-old clumsiness.) No less than 5 minutes later, I heard her in the bathroom doing something and left my kitchen cleaning to make sure she wasn’t messing something up. When I entered the bathroom she jumped and dropped the hand towel she was struggling to retrieve. I asked her what she was doing, and she answered “nothing” which I’ve already learned is code for “something I will not disclose on the grounds that it may incriminate me.” After some coaxing, she explained that she spilled some more apple juice on the tray in the living room but I was being too mean so she didn’t want to tell me. She was going to try to clean it up herself. When I went in the living room, it was the smallest dot of juice.
I nearly broke down in bad mama tears in front of her, but kept it in check. I was turning into a crazy person trying to keep the house clean and also managing to make my three year old terrified of me. I gave her a big hug and said sorry that I was being mean, and that I didn’t mean it. I informed her that I would be nicer, gave her a paper towel in case she spilled again (and that accidents happen and it’s not a big deal!) and that when she sells her first house she can think back on this moment when her mama had her foot in the insane asylum door and realize that selling your house really is the dumbest idea ever.
Because THEN when we looked at other houses I started getting all sad because I LIKE MY HOUSE YOU GUYS. I really do. If I could pick it up and move it somewhere else I probably would. Of course, it was built in 1932 and I feel like moving it might have structural implications, so we’re not going to explore that avenue.
I just…so many things, you guys. People who buy houses and then fix them up only to sell them again? And also do this as a business? WITH THEIR FAMILIES? Have to be slightly crazy and also on lots of emotion numbing medication because I don’t know how I’m going to get through this without there being many tears for many reasons.
This was such a dumb idea.
Remember when I wrote about us Ferberizing our daughter when she was just a little over a year old? And I was all WHY DIDN’T WE DO THIS SOONER and all was good in the world? Like, we put her down and she’d sleep. It was magic. And then right before her second birthday, we turned her crib into a toddler bed after having some new sleep issues…which was the solution we needed at the time.
Then we got the brilliant idea to get her a big girl bed a couple months later so we could lay in bed with her if we needed to (insert maniacal laughter here) since we were doing a lot of book reading before bed.
At some point after the big girl bed transition, we started laying in bed with her while she fell asleep. We apparently must have also mastered smoking crack because that is the worst idea anyone has ever had. Like, WAY worse than Milli Vanlli coming out as lip-syncers. (As an aside, auto-correct wants me to make “lip-syncers” into “LIP-CANCERS.” Whatever you say, auto-correct.) To get to the point, here was our new nighttime routine.
8:30pm – Bathtime
9:00pm – Into her bed with a book.
9:30pm – Lay there while she uses stall tactics and slowly goes to sleep.
9:52pm – I fall asleep.
10:34pm – I wake up and she’s sleeping and I’m crabby and groggy and then I go to bed, where I am unable to fall asleep until 12:45am.
Repeat the next night, but insert the hubs and SO ON.
Yeah. That wasn’t working for anyone but Abby. The hubs and I would basically get an hour or two after Abby went to bed to watch our TV shows or get work done or talk like adults. Not working.
So, after an exceptionally long Sunday night of stall tactics resulting in the hubs not getting to bed until almost 11pm, he declared this routine to no longer be valid. I agreed but didn’t actually think we were going to do anything about it yet. Have you dealt with a three year old before? They’re assholes and SUPER GOOD at getting what they want all the time. I mean, I know in the back of my head that with all the things we have on the horizon (selling our house, possibly moving in with the in-laws (that’s a whole other post), moving into a new house, maybe having another baby) – that this problem really needs to be resolved before it looks like she’s getting shit on from multiple sources.
So last night, I came up with a plan: Abby would earn a piece of a puzzle every night she fell asleep without us in bed with her. Once she completes the puzzle, we’ll go to Target and buy her a Princess bike. (Yay bribery!)
Last night….ugh. It did not go well. We tried just reading her a book and then being like, “Peace out, bro!” but it did not go well. So many tears, so many screams of “MAMAAAAAA! MAMA DADA MAMAAAAAAAAAAA!” After 20 minutes of this, we finally resigned to me sitting on the floor next to her bed while she tried to go to sleep. Every once in a while, she would roll over and sniffle, “Am I doing a good job, mama?” and then I would die a little inside. “Yep, you’re doing an awesome job, lady. So proud of you.” Then she would roll back over. Finally, when I thought she was asleep, I got up and started to walk out of the room. She moved a bit in bed, and as I had my hand on the doorknob, she quietly said “Bye bye, mama” and I said “Goodnight” and that was it. No tears. She rolled over and fell asleep. She only woke once during the night, and I went in and gave her a sip of water, tucked her back in and she was back to sleep.
Tonight is round two. The hubs is going to sit a little closer to the door tonight. We’ll keep inching towards the door until we’re just outside it. Then we’ll sit outside the door with it closed. Then we’re done. (I think?) Thanks Supernanny for the idea, BTW.
*sigh* Parenting is exciting.