Archive for the ‘I am awesome’ Category

How did Santa survive before the Interwebs?

On Saturday, the Hubs, Abby and I headed to the blessed Mall of America to do some Christmas shopping. As with any trip to the MOA, we are required (by unwritten law) to take Abby on three rides, at minimum. She talks about these rides pretty much every other day. It’s adorable, but also CAN I GO TO THE MALL WITHOUT GOING ON RIDES? After the rides, we headed to Noodles for Abby’s mac & cheese fix. As we were leaving with full bellies, I went to hike up my jeans, and hulk smashed the belt loop right out of my pants. DAMMIT. Strike one.

We wove our way through shoppers and some of the best people watching I’ve seen since the state fair. We searched through Nordstrom Rack for a gift for my mom, then made our way to Marshall’s and decided we’d had enough of the crowds already thankyouverymuch. It was at our decision to depart that I realized my jacket wasn’t on the stroller anymore. Dear God.  Strike TWO. My angry meter had reached about a 9. We backtracked and eventually made our way back to the Rack, where I walked through the areas Abby insisted on pushing the stroller. BY HERSELF, Mama. No! Don’t touch it! I’m doing it BY MYSELF. Aye. Lo and behold, my coat was laying across a rack; apparently someone found it and propped it up. THANK GOD.

We headed home, where I decided to go ahead and get this shopping over and done with. AMAZON, I love you.  Santa’s purchases have been made, as well as some other gifts that needed to be in my hands.

(In case you’re wondering what Santa’s got in his sack this year (ha, ha. sack.), we bought Abby a Peppa Pig DVD, some Crayola Washable Mini-Stampers (this kid needs to stamp all the things all the time), Hungry Hungry Hippos, Melissa & Doug Pasture Pals, LeapFrog Explorer Learning Game: Letter Factory (for her LeadPad we bought her last Christmas), LEGO DUPLO Creative Cakes (a Lego cake set? YES PLEASE.), and for the grand finale…a Playskool Classic Sit – N – Spin. SIT. AND. SPIN.) none of those links are affiliate or anything. just an FYI.

ALL of those things I purchased on the Amazon. And I hope all of those things come before Christmas.

I nearly struck-out on holiday shopping. However, I think I’m going to put this year’s attempt on the win list.

An announcement I would have made Monday if it weren’t for GoDaddy.

Posted 12 Sep 2012 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category blog bidnass, I am awesome, please and thank you

So, Monday afternoon a super awesome thing happened:

Jack Osbourne Finds Naked Photos of Ozzy, World Mouth-Vomits In Unison

Okay, so the story headline itself isn’t what’s so awesome, it’s the fact that I WROTE IT.

Yes, my loyal readers (all 6 of you) – I’VE WRITTEN FOR MAMAPOP.

(cue crowd-deafening cheering and applause)

I’m on a trial basis for the first couple of months, but every Monday afternoon, check over at MamaPop.com to see my newest installment of celebinsanity. I just made that word up. Not sure if it works. Nahhhh, what the hell. We’ll just say it does.

ANYWAY – I wanted to share all this fun news with you on Monday, but GoDaddy decided to eff up EVERYTHING and I couldn’t access my site. Or my email. Or my lifeblood. What makes me crazy is that all the (local) coverage about their outage indicated that the downtime was affecting “mostly small business owners”. Uh, exqueeze me? Baking powder? I will most definitely stand up and say I am not a small business owner. If anything, I maybe break even after paying for my domain and hosting. So, GET THE FACTS STRAIGHT, YO.

Obligitory BlogHer Post.

Posted 26 Jul 2012 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category blog bidnass, I am awesome, other people are awesome, paparazzi, RAD, uncategorized

HEY!!! I’M GOING TO BLOGHER! AGAIN! FOR THE THIRD YEAR IN A ROW!

If you’re totally not interested in any of this nonsense, feel free to skip this post.

If you’re going?! OMGLOLI’LLSEEYOUTHERE!!!one!!1!

I thought I’d do a little introduction post, so you know how to spot me or what conversation to strike up while we’re waiting in line for the bathroom at Sparklecorn.

First of all, this is me:

Yes, I own like, 4 different pairs of glasses. I’m a glasses horder. However, I might put on my big girl underoos and wear my contacts. IMMA MIX SHIZ UP. So, it’s essentially a grab bag.

Here’s things I would love to discuss with you!

Here’s what I don’t want to talk about.

  • Politics.
  • Religion.
  • Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Scooby-Doo, Ni-Hao Kai-lan, etc. I get enough of that at home.
  • Blog Stats/Monetizing/Couponing (No offense.)
  • How I’m out of drink tickets.
  • That checking the weather is bad for my health.
  • What time my flight leaves.

But seriously, I am so stoked to land in New York on Wednesday evening, to spend sometime with some of my blogging besties (like, 20 of them) and how friendships made on the internets are just as real and true as any other.

What’s most hilarious is that as each year passes that I attend BlogHer, I spend less and less time packing. I mean, I’m actually going shopping for stuff to wear on Monday and am leaving on Wednesday. I think it’s safe to say I’m not worried about this shit anymore. I’m some sort of professional…something.

*This post is probably all over the place since I’m getting ready to leave for a cabin tomorrow and toddlers and SEINFELD IS ON and where the eff is the pizza man and laundry and dirty house. All at once. But again. Not worried.

My little pony.

Posted 26 Jun 2012 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category I am awesome, RAD

I no longer have a need for anti-anxiety medication.

I’m going to get an emotional support pony.

This is going to essentially kill two birds with one hoof. I want to get off my anxiety meds, and who in their right mind doesn’t want a miniature horse? THAT CAN GO ON PLANES WITH YOU. BlogHer anxiety?! DELETEDDDDDD.

I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner.

Get that muthereffing horse on that mothereffing plane.

Seriously. Have you heard of emotional support animals? I mean, I get it. Puppies and other such cuddly animals have a calming effect on people. Our cat Fiona pretty much is the bees knees when it comes to that.  Unfortunately she’s not a certified ESSA (Emotional Support Service Animal). Even though it seems SOME PEOPLE actually have the nerve to get letters from their doctors saying their every day domesticated animal is also an ESSA! THE NERVE, D-List actresses!

I'm talking about YOU Aubrey O'Day. No one abuses their emotional support animals with boas and pink hair.

I’m a little concerned that I might not have to dough to get one, BUT I WILL. I mean, this needs to happen. Right? No other logical answer. FIONA COULD EVEN RIDE IT. Maybe it could be her ESH (Emotional Support Horse) too! AND Abby’s! I’m saving lives here, people.

LOOK. THIS MINI HORSE IS WEARING SHOES.

Not abuse. LOVE.

*DISCLAIMER: I’m not getting one. I mean, mostly the issue is that I know I can’t afford one. Not so much the care and housing for it.  And also I feel like bringing one to the bars while at BlogHer might be frowned upon.

The Week in Randoms

Posted 18 May 2012 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, I am awesome, other people are morons, paparazzi, toddler business

Monday:

 

Wednesday:


So I pulled up to an ATM to get some cash money millionaires for a soda or something and there was a card & receipt still in the machine, which was beeping wildly at their owner, who clearly didn’t give a shit about their dollars and cents. So being the patron saint that I am, I pulled both out, went about my ATM business and then brought the card & receipt upstairs to the bank from which they were issued. While I was walking, I glanced at the receipt at the “available balance” on the account.

$749,960.10

I literally had to count the decimal places to make sure I was seeing it right. My first thought was OMG WE’RE BUYING A NEW HOUSE, but then I remembered most home sellers don’t take check cards, so I bailed on that. Then I remembered my buddy karma, and continued onto the bank, where the teller choked on his gum when I pointed it out to him. I left to buy my soda, and bought a lotto ticket as well, hoping for instant karma. I’m just checking my numbers now…annndddd I won $1. YOU STILL OWE ME, KARMA.

Thursday:

Friday: