Archive for the ‘motherhood’ Category

Progress. Sort of.

Posted 01 Sep 2010 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category marriage, motherhood, TheRapists

I haven’t really talked much about my escapades with therapy. It seems really personal, but at the same time I like being able to tell people that things DO get better. So I have to talk about it in some context.

There are a lot of things I talk about in therapy that I won’t talk about here though. Personal stuff is just that. PERSONAL. And it will more than likely stay that way.

I will say this: I don’t feel depressed anymore. I haven’t for a while. I don’t know if it’s because I have so much going on that I don’t really have time to dwell on things anymore, or if I’ve “gotten over” or worked through the issues I had that were depressing me, or if I’m just…you know…better.

However, my therapist was right when she said I have anxiety issues. I have had no less than 10 panic attacks in the past month, some of a lesser degree than others, triggered sometimes by things I do not understand. Three out of seven days a week I get “anxiety stomach” and try REALLY hard to make it go away. Usually it just has to on it’s own. She says I’m so maxed out with my anxiety that it really doesn’t take much to send me into an attack. And that is SO true.

Most recently, I had my dear friend (who is like, WEEKS away from having a baby) over for dinner. I didn’t see it coming, but just seeing her so pregnant made my heart race. Then we were on the couch talking labor and baby stuff…enter full blown anxiety attack. (Even recounting the situation right now is making me light headed.) I mentioned this to my therapist. By “mentioned,” I mean I got loud and talked fast and pretty much needed a paper bag to calm down. Next session (which won’t be for a couple of weeks) we’re going to talk about EVERYTHING. My whole pregnancy and labor will be discussed. And…I’m glad. I know that I need to work through my anxiety surrounding it so that when/if we want to have another baby I won’t have to be committed. The thought of having to talk about it all is making my heartrate go up.

::deep breaths::

So that’s where I stand. I’m better in some respects, and maybe worse in others. But I’m dealing. And I’m working on it. And so far, without medication. I will say I kind of wish I could be on something so I could avoid the anxiety stomach I get, but being without medication is also nice.

Stay tuned.

10 months.

Posted 27 Aug 2010 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, baby business, motherhood, paparazzi

Our little Abigail is 10 months old today. TEN MONTHS.  That means in two measly months she’ll be 12 months, aka ONE YEAR OLD. I’ve actually begun planning her birthday party and it kinda makes me want to cry every time I start designing her invitations.

I’ve decided she will most likely be walking or trying really hard to walk by her birthday. She has already crawled around our entire house which is nothing short of mind blowing every time she does it. She gives kisses, high fives, claps like a champ and feeds herself like a pro.

Seeing her grow is just awesome.

When you’re planning on having a baby, one really focuses on just THE BABY part of it. I never really thought about how cool it would be to watch her grow into a toddler and eventually a teenager and then adult. Like, the thought crosses my mind, and then she’ll actually hit one of those little milestones and it hits me like a wrecking ball. SHE IS GROWING UP. ALREADY. YOU’D BETTA RECOGNIZE, MOMMA.

Just one picture

Posted 16 Aug 2010 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, motherhood, paparazzi

Just had to post a picture, because OHMAGAH I love my baby girl.

Whoomp! (There It Is)

Posted 02 Aug 2010 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category motherhood, TheRapists

I’m talking about mommy guilt.

As I was up with Abbers during her 3rd wake up at 3am, sitting in the glider rocking her back to sleep when it hit me. I’m leaving her. Again. We just left her with her grandparents about 10 days ago when we went to a cabin for the weekend. She stayed with them Saturday night for a concert we went to (also to get some much needed sleep). And now, Wednesday, she’ll be joining them until we get back from New York on Sunday.

And I cried.

I know I’ll have fun, and I know “we deserve to get away once in a while,” but that won’t stop me from feeling like the worst mother ever. And I know I’m not. But…you get what I mean.

Maybe canceling my TheRapist appointment today was a bad idea. But seriously, I HAVE TO PACK. And it will take me about 7 hours to do so, and feel comfortable that I didn’t forget anything important. Like, 3 pairs of high heeled shoes I’ll wear for 15 minutes each before removing and putting on my flats.

9 months.

Posted 27 Jul 2010 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, motherhood, paparazzi

Abs-ca-dabs,

So, you’re 3/4 of a year old. I cannot begin to describe how awesome and incredibly sad that is all at once. You’re full of movement now – you’re pretty much crawling, just pulled yourself to standing for the first time tonight, and also have your 5th and 6th teeth coming in. You’ve learned the cutest tricks, including open mouth kissing and feeding us your bottles and puffs. You’re also kind of repeating us, in your own way. (Which is hope stays at your minimal levels, since I recall yelling “JESUS CHRIST YOU DOUCHE WIPE.” at a car while we were driving home from your grandparents this evening.)

(He had it coming.)

(Do as I…uh…say…in theory. Not as I do. Or say.)

I love you more than words can say. I can’t even fathom that you’ll be a year old in a few months.

xoxo,
Momma.