Archive for the ‘not so much’ Category

Second verse, same as the first.

Posted 11 Apr 2014 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category baby business, motherhood, not so much

It’s nearly 4:30am. I’ve been awake for 2 hours now. Most nights I would just attribute this to pregnancy insomnia, but I think my mind is definitely not focusing on sleep. It’s been a weird day in the land of fetus gestation.

The past couple of weeks have been insane. Non-stop house preparations, and more uncomfortable everything in the baby department. He felt like he’d moved head down, but with that move came more lightning crotch (cervix hits, and plenty) and also a lot more pressure. Walking to work from Abby’s daycare has been taking me twice as long, with plenty of near stopping just to make the pressure go away.

I brought all of this up to John the Midwife today at my 31 week appointment. We both agreed that it was just second pregnancy fun (he suggested I invest in a pregnancy support belt) and we carried on with the exam.

Sure enough, baby boy IS now head down (one good thing), and low. John checked me for any signs of cervical change (last week was thick and normal), and it took him for what felt like forever, before he declared that things were starting to change. It was soft and maybe 1cm dilated. For anyone playing along at home, I didn’t really have any issues of this sort until about 33 weeks with Abby, so things are happening a little more quickly this time. John seemed concerned. He told me to take the day off work and ordered a Betamethasone shot (read: steroid) to mature baby’s lungs, in case shit hits the fan and I go into labor in the next few weeks.

(Sidenote: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD did that shot hurt. Like, the Rhogam shot in the ass hurts pretty bad, but this was like someone injected a shot of fireball into my buttcheek. It’s STILL sore.)

I came home from my appointment to an evening of Braxton Hicks that warranted a chat with the on-call midwife, as I had 8-9 per hour for about 90 minutes. Eventually they calmed down, but I felt crampy for the rest of the night. The in-laws picked up Abby, where she spent the night and will spend the day so I can rest. Which brings us to…now. Me, on the couch because I can’t sleep, writing a blog post.

But..that’s not the end of it. Tomorrow (well, I guess today – HI NEARLY 5 AM) I’m to rest all day, and then at 5:30pm, I’m supposed to go to triage at labor & delivery to get hooked up to monitors to see if I’m contracting, get a second Betamethasone shot, a fetal fibronectin test (which could only serve to be helpful if it’s negative), and have another cervix check. I’m really wary of another check, simply because of how much the last one hurt, and the amount of contractions I had just a few hours afterwards.

Did I mention our house goes on the market in the next 48 hours?

Yeah, I’m not falling asleep anytime soon.

And then I jinxed it.

Posted 29 Jul 2013 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category house stuffs, not so much, other people are morons

Was that really all it took? Me, vague-posting about the possible offer?

Because it fell through.

I have more to say about this whole situation, but I’m going to hold off until I don’t feel like smothering baby bunnies.

 

effthis

Selling Our House Is Making Me Feel All The Feels.

Posted 22 Apr 2013 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category house stuffs, marriage, motherhood, not so much, paparazzi, toddler business

You guys. This house selling business? Pretty much the dumbest thing we’ve ever decided to do. I mean, yeah – in the end it will be a new chapter in our lives that shapes…blah blah zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Sorry.  So tired. Because BUY MY HOUSE.

livingroom

After stressing for a few weeks, and staging, purging, organizing, cleaning, and shoving all remaining items into closets, drawers, and please don’t look under our bed…our house hit the market Saturday morning. And minutes later, we had our first showing scheduled. Yesterday we had another, and then an open house.

It’s only been 3 days and I’m already freaking out. What if nobody buys it. What it the reasons I want to move are all the things people can see in the house?

The first couple ‘s feedback was A great house. Number two on our list. Good. VERY good.

bedroom

The second couple’s feedback? Too close to high school. Uh….I KNOW. As a newly married couple who bought this house over five years ago? We could literally give a fuck. We had many fucks to give on this topic. Now? GET OFF MY LAWN WITH YOUR CHEETOS BAGS YOU JERKS. But seriously, for 2.5 years of being in this house I didn’t care. Now? I just want a more family friendly hood in an awesome school district. (I’m so old.) So…someone has to have the capacity to look past that small issue, right? Because we did?

Back to this being a dumb idea – who the hell can keep their house this clean? I mean, I can’t even BEGIN to imagine what happens to larger families with houses that sit on the market for MONTHS. How do you keep a house SPOTLESS for that long? I mean, we’ve had ours “photo ready” since Friday and already I feel like the worst mom on the planet. On Sunday, two hours before a showing and open house, Abby managed to spill her apple juice three times that morning. After the third time I sternly told her “WE ARE TRYING TO KEEP THE HOUSE CLEAN AND YOU’RE MAKING MAMA SAD WHEN YOU SPILL.”  (Great parenting, me. That’ll stop three-year-old clumsiness.) No less than 5 minutes later, I heard her in the bathroom doing something and left my kitchen cleaning to make sure she wasn’t messing something up. When I entered the bathroom she jumped and dropped the hand towel she was struggling to retrieve. I asked her what she was doing, and she answered “nothing” which I’ve already learned is code for “something I will not disclose on the grounds that it may incriminate me.” After some coaxing, she explained that she spilled some more apple juice on the tray in the living room but I was being too mean so she didn’t want to tell me.  She was going to try to clean it up herself. When I went in the living room, it was the smallest dot of juice.

abbys

I nearly broke down in bad mama tears in front of her, but kept it in check. I was turning into a crazy person trying to keep the house clean and also managing to make my three year old terrified of me. I gave her a big hug and said sorry that I was being mean, and that I didn’t mean it. I informed her that I would be nicer, gave her a paper towel in case she spilled again (and that accidents happen and it’s not a big deal!) and that when she sells her first house she can think back on this moment when her mama had her foot in the insane asylum door and realize that selling your house really is the dumbest idea ever.

Because THEN when we looked at other houses I started getting all sad because I LIKE MY HOUSE YOU GUYS. I really do. If I could pick it up and move it somewhere else I probably would. Of course, it was built in 1932 and I feel like moving it might have structural implications, so we’re not going to explore that avenue.

I just…so many things, you guys. People who buy houses and then fix them up only to sell them again? And also do this as a business? WITH THEIR FAMILIES? Have to be slightly crazy and also on lots of emotion numbing medication because I don’t know how I’m going to get through this without there being many tears for many reasons.

This was such a dumb idea.

Sleep Training a Toddler, aka Rip My Heart Out and Cover It In My Daughter’s Tears

Posted 02 Apr 2013 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, not so much, toddler business

Remember when I wrote about us Ferberizing our daughter when she was just a little over a year old? And I was all WHY DIDN’T WE DO THIS SOONER and all was good in the world? Like, we put her down and she’d sleep. It was magic. And then right before her second birthday, we turned her crib into a toddler bed after having some new sleep issues…which was the solution we needed at the time.

Then we got the brilliant idea to get her a big girl bed a couple months later so we could lay in bed with her if we needed to (insert maniacal laughter here) since we were doing a lot of book reading before bed.

At some point after the big girl bed transition, we started laying in bed with her while she fell asleep. We apparently must have also mastered smoking crack because that is the worst idea anyone has ever had. Like, WAY worse than Milli Vanlli coming out as lip-syncers. (As an aside, auto-correct wants me to make “lip-syncers” into “LIP-CANCERS.” Whatever you say, auto-correct.) To get to the point, here was our new nighttime routine.

8:30pm – Bathtime
9:00pm – Into her bed with a book.
9:30pm – Lay there while she uses stall tactics and slowly goes to sleep.
9:52pm – I fall asleep.
10:34pm – I wake up and she’s sleeping and I’m crabby and groggy and then I go to bed, where I am unable to fall asleep until 12:45am.

Repeat the next night, but insert the hubs and SO ON.

Yeah. That wasn’t working for anyone but Abby. The hubs and I would basically get an hour or two after Abby went to bed to watch our TV shows or get work done or talk like adults. Not working.

So, after an exceptionally long Sunday night of stall tactics resulting in the hubs not getting to bed until almost 11pm, he declared this routine to no longer be valid. I agreed but didn’t actually think we were going to do anything about it yet. Have you dealt with a three year old before? They’re assholes and SUPER GOOD at getting what they want all the time. I mean, I know in the back of my head that with all the things we have on the horizon (selling our house, possibly moving in with the in-laws (that’s a whole other post), moving into a new house, maybe having another baby) – that this problem really needs to be resolved before it looks like she’s getting shit on from multiple sources.

So last night, I came up with a plan: Abby would earn a piece of a puzzle every night she fell asleep without us in bed with her. Once she completes the puzzle, we’ll go to Target and buy her a Princess bike. (Yay bribery!)

abbysbike(I printed out this picture and put it above her bed to look at when she’s having a hard time.)

Last night….ugh. It did not go well. We tried just reading her a book and then being like, “Peace out, bro!” but it did not go well. So many tears, so many screams of “MAMAAAAAA! MAMA DADA MAMAAAAAAAAAAA!” After 20 minutes of this, we finally resigned to me sitting on the floor next to her bed while she tried to go to sleep. Every once in a while, she would roll over and sniffle, “Am I doing a good job, mama?” and then I would die a little inside. “Yep, you’re doing an awesome job, lady. So proud of you.” Then she would roll back over. Finally, when I thought she was asleep, I got up and started to walk out of the room. She moved a bit in bed, and as I had my hand on the doorknob, she quietly said “Bye bye, mama” and I said “Goodnight” and that was it. No tears. She rolled over and fell asleep. She only woke once during the night, and I went in and gave her a sip of water, tucked her back in and she was back to sleep.

Tonight is round two. The hubs is going to sit a little closer to the door tonight. We’ll keep inching towards the door until we’re just outside it. Then we’ll sit outside the door with it closed. Then we’re done. (I think?) Thanks Supernanny for the idea, BTW.

*sigh* Parenting is exciting.

Shifting Focus

Posted 11 Mar 2013 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category blog bidnass, motherhood, not so much

The last couple months have been quite trying. Reaching a level of “normal” life seems to come within reach, only to be pulled away when something else comes up.

I hadn’t written about it yet, as I was hoping it would resolve itself, but during this whole debacle, it was discovered I was testing positive for a new antibody – Anti-C – during routine pre-op blood work. It was an antibody that just 7 days prior was non-existent in my body. Having antibodies during pregnancy can mean anything from increased weekly labs to as much as an intrauterine fetal blood transfusion in extreme cases. My husband is an antigen carrier of Cc (for anyone who is familiar with any of this kind of business) so it was possible he was the cause, but not likely as the pregnancy was so early on. After much testing, and apparent debating at our area’s American Red Cross blood bank/University of Minnesota Transfusion clinic, they think the anti-C in my blood is a by product of a Rhogam shot I was given 4 days prior to my D&C. It’s weird, but apparently possible.

I received some labwork last week that lead me to believe that the Anti-C was gone, giving us the green light to start trying again. You guys? I was so happy. Like, tears of joy happy. I was FINALLY closing the door on this awful fucking experience. However, the write-up was misleading, and my OB explained that I still have a trace of Anti-C in my system. She wants me to have weekly tests for the next 4.5 months to try to test it down to a negative result (which she believes will occur)…but is putting us on the bench until that happens. (I could still get pregnant in the meantime, but instead of wasting time and money on tests I might not need, they just want to make sure they know what they’re dealing with.) I thought I was doing well with everything until I got this news. That pretty much threw me back into my pit of despair. My lovely friend Babe Chilla wrote a post capturing how I feel, for the most part…so instead of going into it, I’ll just let you read her post.

Anyway – all of this has forced me to step away from Facebook and Google and online support forums to just try and STOP CARING SO MUCH. And it’s helped. It was so nice over the weekend to just focus on me, my family and work on our house. We got our bathroom painted – one of the last hurdles to cross before being able to list our house. Last night I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Letting go and focusing on things I’ve been neglecting for a while was just what the doctor ordered. Things will happen when they’re going to happen and there’s not much I can do to change that.

So, I might not be as present on social media as I once was. I see how much it’s emotionally affecting me, and taking time away from being with my family. Am I an addict? Yes. I chase information on the internet when I feel helpless, which pretty much has put me online ALL. THE. TIME. And I’m just done. I’ll still be around, just not as much. Of course, that doesn’t apply here, where I am already barely ever around. I’ll keep that up. :)

And here are some photos of what we’ve been up to over the weekend.

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We took this lady bowling for the first time.
She liked it.

 

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New bathroom paint color.
 

(Be sure to read my recap of this week’s Walking Dead over at Mamapop!)