other people are morons / blogged bliss

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Posted 10 Jul 2009 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category baby business, not so much, other people are morons, the cats

Okay, most everyone will tell you, that aside from a few tired days where I had a short fuse due to sleepiness, I’ve been fairly okay to deal with. No outbursts, no crying fits, no douchiness overall.

Yesterday, that came to a screeching halt.

My day overall was lame. It started with a large pile of cat vomit (crabby factor= 2). I worked, got sucked into projects that aren’t mine (crabby factor=3), and luckily got to leave a little early so I could bring the Black Beauty (my trusty CR-V) in for an oil change. However, leaving early also meant being on the light rail with everyone that was at the Twins game. These aren’t your average transit customers – these are idiots that don’t know how to use mass transit times 1,540. All of us, crammed into a train, me protecting my tummy, standing next to a TOTAL booze hound. (Crabby factor now at a 5, trying to bring ‘er back to a 1 since I’m done with work for the day.)

I get home only to encounter THREE MORE PILES OF CAT BARF. (Crabbies now to an 8.) I quickly clean them up and hop in my car only to deal with rush hour traffic. (Crabbies holding around a 9.) Oil change complete, I drive home hoping the hubs is back from the game. (He was lucky enough to skip out of work for the afternoon and go. And also drink all day.). And there’s another pile of barf. And then another. That brings the barf total to SIX BARF CLEAN UPS. I’m at a full blown 10 on the crabby scale and the hubs is not home and not answering his phone. At this point, I’m screaming at the cats and any inanimate object that gets in my way. I’m near tears and cannot even attempt to calm myself down. We had planned on going to Lowes that evening to get another estimate for new doors for our house, and I was just not feeling it anymore. The hubs finally gets home, and I am SO MAD at this point that I’m thinking if I stabbed him, he probably wouldn’t press charges and I would feel SO MUCH BETTER. So, instead of inflicting bodily harm on him, I decide to go to the store and buy bread. I came home, ate a sammich and ironed shirts just so I could be by myself…because I knew if I sat in the same room as the hubs I would just burst into tears. Later I went to bed and had bizzare dreams all night and woke up feeling as though I’d been hit by a bus.

Now. I know that I have been able to deal with these kinds of things before without allowing them to affect my mood. However, everything combined with clearly elevated hormones made me a mad woman yesterday. I feel bad for being crabby with the hubs, but I honestly couldn’t help it, and part of me feels like he deserves to feel my wrath since he didn’t have an infant using his cervix as a trampoline yesterday.

I’m less crabby today, but still feel like if there were another chain of events like yesterday I would more than likely grab the nearest object and bludgeon someone with it.

Deep breaths.

Good god: A lunch hour tale.

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Posted 24 Jun 2009 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category baby business, other people are morons, retail therapy

I ventured to Macy’s over my lunch hour to attempt to find some new flip-flops. That was a pretty decent fail. However, I was annoyed numerous times before I even walked through the doors of Macy’s – warning me that I should not be allowed in public today.

Annoyance #1: Do not plow your way into the elevator until you know the people on it have gotten off. There honestly is nothing more annoying. Wait THREE MEASLY SECONDS. It’s not that hard. That way, you don’t run into the pregnant lady trying to find comfortable shoes.

Annoyance #2: You’re on your way to lunch, not doing a triathlon. Therefore, running me over with your tacky handbag and paperback is not necessary just because you need to get to Au Bon Pain to buy a $10 salad and sit on your polyester covered ass for an hour.

Annoyance #3: Makeup counter ladies. When needed, you are nothing short of helpful. When I’m walking by you with my hot mac & cheese, sweating and being a “I don’t care about my appearance today” pregnant lady, now’s not the time. Seriously.

First lady at the NARS counter: OMG! I love your glasses! Too cute!
Sweaty, hungry me: Thanks! I actually bought them here.
Second NARS lady: You could really use some “Babe” on your lips.
First NARS lady: OMG – yes – let’s do a makeup trial!!!!!!
Me: (trying to remember what I look like today, and remembering I indeed look like shit and “Babe” will do nothing to save me)
Me: No thanks, gotta eat while it’s still warm! (nervous, crabby laugh)

So, now I’m back at my desk, after having inhaled that mac & cheese in about 5 minutes. And I’m still starving.

On the other annoying note for the day (that I’ll probably get hate mail for) – I’ve officially gained 10 pounds in this pregnancy. This is good, and all on schedule…but it’s weird. I’ve just never weighed this much in my entire life. I’m glad I’m finally gaining weight like I should. I just need to scale back the “eat whatever the eff I want” plan and get more fruits & veggies in there so I don’t put on another 10 in the next two weeks.

Ack! Stranger comment!

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Posted 26 May 2009 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category baby business, other people are morons

While grocery shopping and browsing the ice cream aisle, a fine gentleman told me:

“You’d better feed that big belly of yours!”

PLEASE PLEASE tell me I look pregnant. If I just look fat and some dude says this, I’m going to curl up and die.

This was towards the end of my shopping. Before I even got in the store I was told that I have a “fine pussy.”

I’m never going grocery shopping alone again. I think this has just become the hubs’ duty.

Another reason why I hate CJ.

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Posted 26 May 2009 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category other people are morons

This woman is a gossip columnist for the Minneapolis Star Tribune. She mostly talks about Prince (since he singled her out in a negative way in one of his songs) but also talks about other totally lame celeb gossip.

Today’s headline?

‘Idol’ winner: A thing for thongs?
Cheek floss. Is this really what an “American Idol” winner Kris Allen includes among his Club Wedd Registry at Target?

Does anyone know what a joke is anymore? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a clue who Kris Allen is really (I’m not an avid AI fan) and I don’t give a crap about what people think of him, but I’m quite sure that this was a joke. For Christ’s sake – I registered for Hannah Montana Hand Sanitizer at Babies R Us a couple weeks ago, thanks to some coaxing from my BFF Martini. No, I do not plan on feeding it to my baby, nor do I want to let the baby play with it like a toy. IT’S AN EFFING JOKE.

So sad.

I hate TMZ too. Kind of off topic, but not really.

A non-baby post….

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Posted 14 May 2009 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category blog bidnass, other people are morons

If you’re a reader of Martini’s (which some of you may be) – you may notice her blog is offline again. That is because someone using the email address shannonjkramer@hotmail.com and with the name “Shannon Kramer” has been sending a link to her blog to people that may not necessarily need to be reading it. This person is obviously trying to out her in some form or another, and this is the second (or third?) time in Martini’s blogging career that such an event has taken place.

Martini’s requesting your help. Recognize that name or email address? Leave me a comment – together we’ll get to the bottom of this travesty.

(PS – please feel free to send hate mail to this “Shannon.” I give you my full permission.)

Saturday excitement.

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Posted 05 Apr 2009 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category other people are morons

I have not posted in a long time, but today’s activities warranted a post. (Does this prove my life is boring? Only slightly.)

So the hubs and I went for a nice Saturday trip to Bed Bath & Beyond to find a new pillow for his achin’ head. We find one, and upon pulling into the alley, only a few garages away from our own, we see smoke. A LOT of smoke…billowing from what appears to be our garage. I floor it to investigate, and we determine that the smoke is coming from the yard of our new neighbor.

That’s right. This guy seems to think that burning leaves in your yard is legal in the city.

I’m sorry, sir – but you live IN MINNEAPOLIS. NOT IN BUMFARK, MINNESOTA. I still don’t understand WTF this guy was thinking. He raked all the leaves from his yard into a pile in what is the garden in the summer, and lit the thing on fire. All within 4 feet of a wooden fence, and 8 feet of our garage (which…trust me when I say, is really nothing but kindling being held together with a few nails and hope).

By the time we got home, our whole backyard was FILLED with the stinky smoke. We coughed and gagged our way into the back door, and then realized the smoke was pretty much beginning to stink up our home.

After not being able to turn up any laws against burning in yards (aside from one that said recreational burning must take place within a firepit or outdoor fireplace), I called 911. I really didn’t necessarily want to bust the guy, but I wanted to know if it was indeed legal.

So, I call, and tell the dispatcher that our neighbor is burning a pile of leaves in his backyard and … she cuts me off.

“You wouldn’t happen to be calling about (insert address of the house next door here)?”

“Uh, yeah, actually.”

“We already have the fire department on the way.”

Excellent. I’m glad someone else complained before me.

So the fire department comes down the street. The hubs actually sees them pointing into the backyard of the house, laughing. They probably can’t believe the guy’s such an idiot either. They come back into the alley, make the guy turn on his hose, and start raking the fire and putting it out. I’m wondering whether he was issued a citation for it or not, but whatever. I’m just glad he put the damn thing out. Our house stunk of smoke for a good 3 hours afterward.

And that my friends, is the most excitement I’ve had in a long, long time.

Oh happy day!

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Posted 26 Mar 2009 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category baby business, other people are morons

We started today out with sleeping in a little late, and then heading to the clinic to see the babe. It was not without a scare, but what in my life is?

The u/s tech got me started with the tummy kind, and I was already thinking I was getting the dildocam. So…she starts looking around and then says “How far along do you think you are?” And I’m all “about 7 weeks, though my LMP would have me around 8.”

So jerkface says “Oh, you’re much much earlier than that. Maybe 5 or 6 weeks AT THE MOST. We’ll have to use the internal.”

Insert expressionless emotion here.

I was like….”uh, NO. I’m 7 weeks. I know when I ovulated.” Then I started to panic and began asking all sorts of questions that she returned with only a confused look and said “We’ll know what we have when we see it, mmmkay?”

Insert pissed off emoticon here.

So the hubs is just sitting there all sorts of uncomfortable as the tech lubes up the dildocam and tells me to “insert it into my vagina” (ha) and she begins to measure my ovaries. Uhm, thanks – could you just get to the baby please?

And then, there it was. The babe. And the heartbeat, flickering on the screen. I’m pretty sure I released an audible gasp, and my eyes welled up with tears.

The little bee was measuring 7 weeks, and it’s heart was beating away at 143 bpm. Then she focused in on the heart and we got to actually hear it.

It was insane. The fact that my body is supporting two heartbeats completely blows my mind.

She was nothing but kind after this point. (She even gave me the “you were right” response I was looking for. I’m kind of an ass.) Everything looked perfect!