Archive for the ‘other people are morons’ Category

Don’t be THAT guy.

Posted 18 May 2011 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category I am awesome, other people are morons, paparazzi

Last night, the hubs, some friends and myself went to see The Cars.

So much awesome.

The show was awesome for multiple reasons:

1) No opening bands
2) 8:20 start time
3) Dude. THE CARS.

I sang along to “You’re All I’ve Got Tonight,” “You Might Think” and “Best Friends Girl” etc and had a BLAST.

HOWEVER. I couldn’t stop laughing at how all the, ehem…older people (mostly men) seemed to be wearing the same outfit. (For men, tee shirts tucked into belted boot cut jeans and boots of some kind. Women wore cropped jeans and wedge sandals to accentuate their bottle-blond hair.) Most of the crowd was well behaved, considering the age range. Although there WAS the perfect specimen of one of my least favorite demographic.

The self-entitled baby-boomer. This guy was such a jerk that I had to take a picture of him.

The offender and his accomplice.

The first issue I had with this loudmouth was that he was like, 7 feet tall.  So was his buddy. Which meant I couldn’t see ANYTHING. There was also a guy of equal height but more…eh, width which was making the situation dire, but I figured the crowd would shift before the show started so it was fine. I let it go.

A girl and her boyfriend show up next to us and she’s MAYBE 5’2″. Which means she’s screwed if she can’t get in front of these guys. She and I talk about how those of us who are vertically challenged should be allowed to stand closer, or those over 6’4″ should probably move to the back. She decides she’s going to politely ask this guy if she and her man can stand in front of him (since this will cause no sight line issues for him AT ALL.) His response?

“Hell no! This is way too important.”

Okay. I was overlooking all his outward jerk qualities until he unleashed his inner jerk. Then it was on like Donkey Kong.

First, I don’t know how well my phone photo shows it, but this guy seems to think he’s Guy Fieri. Dunno who I’m talking about?

Excellent representation, along with "loser" symbol.

He’s a “chef” that wears his sunglasses on the back of his head like a jerk. This guy was doing that. Inside. For the whole show. He also was yelling something about his golf game to his buddy. I wanted to punch him in the sunglasses.

SO – the show starts and I laugh at his horrible dancing, high-fiving and mock turtleneck. Maybe a jerk move on my part since, what did he do to me?

Then he does this:

OH HELL NO. He put his camera up like this FOR AN ENTIRE SONG. He was recording it.

I don’t know that there’s a more DOUCHEY thing you can do at a concert than blocking like, 8 people’s view because you need to record a whole song ON VIDEO. Who are you going to show that to? Your girlfriend (who’s probably only dating you for the money)? The kids you lost in the divorce? YOUR MOM? None of them are interested in what you deem to be way too important.

So, in typical rowdy (not drunk at all) Jenna form, I yelled at him to knock it off, including (but not limited to) the following outbursts:

“DOWN IN FRONT!”
“MOVE YOUR DAMN CAMERA!”
“I HOPE MY YELLING MAKES IT INTO THE AUDIO!”
“GRANDPA! NO ONE CAN FUCKING SEE!”

And so on. And seriously, I wasn’t drunk. I just like to yell. A lot. Ask anyone who’s been to a baseball game with me. I make lots of friends.

In the end, the guy was a gross sweaty mess and ended his bro-gasm with his buddies with a few more high fives. I held back the sunglasses punch and the evening ended without incident. And as rant-y and rave-y as this post has been, it really didn’t ruin my evening. Just makes for good story telling.

Disclaimer: Sorry if your husband/boyfriend/brother/dad/best friend/random person you adore does any of the highlighted offenses in this blog post. But really? If you’re a good person, you’ll tell them to knock it off with the sunglasses and mock turtlenecks and self-important attitude. Everyone likes to have a good time. Don’t be the jerk who ruins it for someone else.

(Although it could be argued that my yelling ruined it for someone else. DOMINO EFFECT, PEOPLE. I can’t help it if someone else sets off the chain reaction.)

Vacation = EFFING ANXIETY

Posted 12 Jan 2011 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category not so much, other people are morons

Remember when you were a kid and your parents would plan a vacation and it was SO AWESOME AND FUN and you couldn’t wait to go? When someone took care of all the planning and travel arrangements so you didn’t have to worry about ANYTHING?

OMG y’all. I leave for Mexico on Sunday morning and I could NOT BE MORE ANXIOUS. Yeah, I’m excited but I’m more nervous than anything.

Let me backtrack. We’re headed to Puerto Vallarta…to the exact same hotel where we stayed when this happened. (Side note: I am happy to say that almost two years later and I finally look like this again. HIGH FIVE.) Anyway, this is my attempt to do that vacation again, the right way, with zip-lining and mas tequila. We’re doing this trip with three other couples, two of which are on our reservation with the airlines & hotel through Expedia. If you don’t follow me on the twitter, then you didn’t see this go down on Monday:

So yeah. Why was I putting myself through hell to talk to someone at Expedia? Because since I booked the trip for myself, the hubs and 4 of our friends in September, this message has been on our itinerary:

Awaiting confirmation from the airline? I have been checking back every 24 hours waiting for this confirmation SINCE SEPTEMBER and IT’S STILL NOT HERE? We leave Sunday, assholes.

So…I (finally) talk to Expedia, request ticket numbers, and they inform me that they have a confirmation for our flight, but I’ll have to call TransGlobal Vacations to get ticket numbers. GREAT.

I call them, talk to someone within 5 minutes, but then spend 20 minutes on hold while they try to find our reservation. Even WITH the confirmation number. Eventually they find it. And then tell me we’re supposed to have a “E-Travel Document” and that Expedia must have it. Okay…Expedia is a website. I don’t think they “have” anything, aside from the worst travel-themed hold music on the face of the Earth.

Which is where I stand now. I have a confirmation number, we all paid for our plane tickets…now we just wait to see if we can get checked in for the flight at 6am Sunday morning.

Meanwhile, between freaking out about packing, making sure Abby is all set to be away from momma & dadda for a week (which is pretty much causing me to cry on a daily basis) and thoughts of us arriving at the airport only to be told they can’t find our reservation, I am nearing critical anxiety levels.

Once I get on the plane? I will be excited.  Until then? PASS THE ZANAX.

(No really. I could use some. Or send wine. Wine works too.)

Uh, you guys?

Posted 11 Aug 2010 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category blog bidnass, I am awesome, other people are morons, paparazzi, RAD

I MADE THE VIDEO.

Not only is that my hand assisting the unicorn to smoke a menthol, but my mug is in a couple stills in the video!

This just makes me wish there was Sparklecorn every day. Seriously. So much fun.

So, please to enjoy the Sparklecorn video extravaganza, set to a totally awesome Biggie Smalls REMIX!!!

MamaPop Sparklecorn 2010: Director’s Cut

A post of randomness.

Posted 17 Feb 2010 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category baby business, blog bidnass, I am a moron, other people are morons

Considering I’ll be arriving at the airport on my way to Mexico in less than TWELVE HOURS my mind isn’t focusing very well on any one thing in particular.

A few things though:

1.) Go ahead and take a gander at a calendar. It’s been about 3.5 months since Abby was born. I still haven’t sent out baby announcements. Now you may be thinking to yourself, “No biggie, Jenna – you missed the window…just send out cute photocards for some random holiday!” And to that I would say – EXCELLENT IDEA, internets! But could you please tell me what to do with ONE HUNDRED PERSONALIZED BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENTS I HAVE SITTING IN A BOX ON MY DRESSER. I shit you not when I tell you that I already have 20 of them in stamped (not yet addressed) envelopes WITH THANK YOU NOTES for gifts given God knows when. Which brings me to my other topic. I STILL HAVEN’T MAILED THANK YOU CARDS FOR MY LAST TWO SHOWERS.

My coping mechanisms for my lack of ability to complete these tasks have been procrastination, blatant ignoring of the situation and bottles of wine.

B.) The Minnesota Twins, for whom I love deeply, sent me a nice little email today telling me they are going to take a big dump on my heart that bleeds baseball and didn’t select me for their fancy lotto in attempts at getting a ticket for the home opener in the new stadium.

At this point in my bitching I’m assuming all non-baseball fans are like, “Suck it up woman! It’s just a game!” and all my baseball fanatics are all “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY IT IS SO NOT JUST A GAME.” But I can’t be too bitter because…

7.) Oh yeah – I’m going to Mexico! ::high fives all around:: SO EXCITED. Even more excited to know that this year’s trip and henceforth massive tequila consumption won’t be interrupted by something I peed on. Speaking of Abby – she’ll be staying with the in-laws so mommy and daddy being wasted won’t require a call to CPS or whatever Mexico’s equivalent is.

I was going to wrap it up there, but since this just happened:

  • Dear CNN.com Breaking News alerts emails: Thank you SO MUCH for telling me who won the Women’s Downhill gold medal! As you know, this isn’t being broadcast for viewing UNTIL TONIGHT. So essentially you’ve ruined my evening. I politely offer you my middle finger.
  • PROGRAMMING NOTE: Since I’m going on vacation and ::GASP:: not taking my laptop with me and my celly doesn’t work in foreign lands…there will be a lack of updates until my return in about a week. No tweets, no bloggy-blogs, no Facebook. I’m scaring myself. Anyway – don’t worry about me is all I’m saying. I shall return. Hopefully more tan and with a higher alcohol tolerance.

    While I’m away I encourage you to vote for my blog! I need help. I’m straight slippin’.

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    Things you forget when you’re a (temporary) SAHM.

    Posted 11 Feb 2010 — by Mrs. Jenna
    Category other people are morons

    People can be effing rude.

    When you’re at home in your safe haven of stuffed animals, cooing babies and Days of Our Lives…you forget what complete jerks some people are.

    Example: While walking to an elevator bank, the elevator doors opened and 2 people walked inside. I started to hustle to catch the elevator, and the doors begin to close. Do either people inside attempt to hold the effing door? No. They watch and more than likely have a good subconscious laugh at the out of shape lady running frantically to catch the thing before the doors close completely.

    Now, I’m the girl that holds doors, helps an old lady and allows people to “cut” in front of her while driving. I’m a big fan of karma – I do nice for other people and nice things will happen for me in return. So, when assholes allow elevator doors to close in my face – you bet I’m half wishing that elevator accidentally drops a few floors before regaining control, forcing the occupants to walk around with pee pants for the rest of the day.

    And then I remember that I have to raise my daughter to try to be a nice person when you’re surrounded by douchebags. It’s not going to be an easy task. But I will. Because that’s the way I was raised. I was raised not to be an ass. And look how awesome I turned out!

    {pause for heads to nod in agreement}