It is fall.

Posted 17 Oct 2011 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, paparazzi



Buying beauty.

Posted 14 Oct 2011 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category other people are morons, RAD, retail therapy

No, this isn’t a post where I describe how I’m so excited to get my nose done or buy m’self some of those new fangled fake plastic boobies.

Today at Design Mom, she posted a link and image from Ballerina Project.

It’s no secret that I wish I was a ballerina, even at the ripe old age of 31. I still believe ballerinas are the full embodiment of beauty and grace.

I moseyed over to the Ballerina Project website and looked at every single photo in the collection.

And then I bought one.

“Dancing in the Rain”

I have no idea where I will put this in my house, but every time I look at it, it brings a smile to my face. I figure if a photograph or piece of art invokes any sort of emotion, it must be good.

Go ahead and check out the Ballerina Project yourself. Get lost in the images.

Where to begin…

Posted 04 Oct 2011 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category TheRapists

To say I’ve fallen off the blogging wagon would be an obvious understatement.

Every once in a while, this happens, where I just check out of the interwebs. I’ve been absent on the Twitter as well (and my Klout score has suffered accordingly. Yet I’m not so upset about that.)

This is one of those times where I’ve really just needed to focus on me. Try to get myself back in order.

I should begin at the (sort of) beginning.

Since around the time of a few months before BlogHer, my anxiety started spiraling out of control. Prior to BlogHer, I kind of didn’t realize it as much. I was blaming my constant tummy butterflies and on-edge feeling on my hectic schedule, work, getting ready to get in a tin can and fly to San Diego to hang out with a bunch of internet besties, and trying to take care of a toddler that was sick ALL OF THE TIME. That’s all it was. NERVES.

Then, my first night at BlogHer I had a full on panic attack. While at dinner. I had to leave right as our meal was served because I was convinced I was going to barf on a table with something like 14 people seated at it. I left the restaurant and walked back to our hotel alone, feeling like I was going to explode out of my skin, throw up and pass out all at the same time. I called the hubs who talked me down from feeling like I was going to die, and eventually got back to the hotel room, put on my jammies and turned on the TV. (Lucky for me True Blood was on. Vampire Eric for the relaxation win.)

I realized then and there that my anxiety had officially gotten out of control, and that I was suffering from it almost daily. I could actually talk myself into a mild panic attack just by recounting previous panic attacks. (In fact, I’m getting lightheaded just typing this.) I had to do something. Thinking about Abby getting a cold again made me want to get in my car and leave and never come back. Like, ever. Because I just couldn’t deal. I knew I couldn’t be the mother and wife I should be and feel that way at the same time.

I talked to my therapist for the first time since March. After listening to me talk for a while, she looked me straight in the eye and calmly said, “Jenna, I think maybe it’s time to think about taking some medication.”

Ever since I started seeing her back in July of 2010, when I was dealing with some postpartum depression, it was evident I also had some anxiety issues. However, I was able to combat those AND my feelings of depression quite well with therapy and mental exercises. I was proud of myself. I didn’t need medication. I didn’t want medication. I was able to beat this on my own.

I never wanted to take medication. It felt like…defeat. That was just it, though. At this point my anxiety was winning. I was feeling defeated. I had to do something.

She recommended a psychologist she’d worked with in the past (as she is unable to prescribe meds herself.) I met with the psychologist and we talked about my past and my current issues with anxiety. She discussed different medications and then told me what she would recommend for me, and why. My fears of taking medication were, for the most part, quelled. The fact that there are medicines out there that can stop a panic attack dead in it’s tracks? Unbelievable to me. And totally awesome. And how sad I didn’t do this sooner when I’d been suffering, because I was too proud to admit I wasn’t in control anymore.

I’ve been on medication for two weeks now. It will take up to eight weeks before I should feel the full effects. Some of the side effects have been difficult, but are diminishing as time wears on.

Just knowing that I will be better, that I will feel normal, is so huge. That I don’t have to feel out of control anymore, and know I’ll be able to deal with minor stress without my brain exploding.

It’s been a rough couple of months in our house.

Things are looking up.

And I promise to be around more often.

Promise.

Yo Gabba Gabba Live: Check.

Posted 16 Sep 2011 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, other people are awesome, paparazzi, RAD

Last night, the hubs, Abbers and I went to see Yo Gabba Gabba live. It was pretty freaking awesome if I do say so myself.

When it started, Abby didn’t really know what the hell was going on. She started crying and saying, “Go home, Mama! Go outside!” I just kept saying, “Hold on! I swear it’s going to be awesome in like, 10 seconds! Just hang in there!” And then it DID get awesome and then it was total awe and zoned-out staring and OMGTHISISTHECOOLESTTHINGEVER. I finally set her down in the aisle to dance and that’s when she was totally sold.

They took what seemed like the longest intermission EVAR (which in reality was like, 20 minutes) and the whole time, Abby kept asking, “More Gabba Gabba? More?!”  And when it finally came back on she was a dancing, smiling lady. I don’t think she’s ever had more fun. In the bath later in the evening, she played with her Yo Gabba Gabba tub toys and yelled “YO GABBA GABBA LIVE!!!”  for the duration of her bath.

Highlights of the evening (for me, of course) included seeing LESLIE HALL (love her), Biz Markie & Biz’s beat of the day, realizing I knew the words to EVERY SINGLE SONG, and last but definitely not least, finally meeting my internet friend Melissa. We’ve been web-pals since The Bump and had our chit’lins within days of each other. We live like, 15 miles away from each other? Never ONCE have we met. We got to meet each other’s families and I finally got to meet her adorable daughter Olive (that name was on my list. The hubs said no. LOVE. THAT. NAME). I’m so SO glad we finally met. It’s time for playdates and little girl friendships. STAT. And maybe our kids can hang out together too.

Here’s a few pictures from last night and your pal and mine, Instagram.

Abby & her "DJ Lance" glasses.

Olive & Abby

 

"MOM. BROBEE IS ON THE STAGE. PAY ATTENTION."

Leslie Hall. In all her glitter glory.

Yay Interwebs!!

Birthdays and butter.

Posted 13 Sep 2011 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category I am a moron, retail therapy

Today, I turned 31. It sounds gross. 30? I was okay with. 31? No. It just sounds like a shitty comedy movie. Like, anything starring Tom Green.

Anyway, yesterday I went shopping for new work clothes for fall and spent an ungodly amount of money. I was anticipating getting some money from the folks (thanks, by the way!) and then just spent like, twice that. Whoops. But it’s all cool. I found a kick-ass dress at Nordstrom Rack for $25, amongst other things. (Ann Taylor Loft? I should own shares in their company by now.)

Then today at lunch, heated by my apparently nuclear temperature mac and cheese from Panera – a pad of butter pretty much sprayed all over my lap. And my new $25 dress.

All I’ve been able to smell is butter. Since noon today. (It’s nearly 6pm.)

Birthday and Butter – 1, Jenna – 0.