I wouldn’t normally post twice in a day, but this was too – dare I say funny? – not to share.

This morning, my breakfast included a slimfast shake (I have like, 4 left, I’m just trying to get rid of them), a bagel and half a smoothie.

Suddenly, out of the blue, I get a cramp. No, not the ute stretching cramp, but the OHMYGODIMIGHTCRAPMYPANTS cramp. I quickly get up and shimmy to the bathroom in the boots that make my feet kill, only to see that someone else is in there.

Let me pause this story to tell another. I have some issues with public restrooms. Such as, I hate it when the bathroom is empty aside from me and people pick the stall RIGHT NEXT TO ME. Dude – there’s like 4 others to pick from. Why you gotta pick the only one next to me? I also cannot, uh, clear the pipes – so to speak – with an audience. I just can’t. It grosses me out when others do it, and I can’t imagine putting anyone else through that situation.

So, imagine my dismay when I see someone’s feet in a stall. Fine, I think…I can just take care of my ever-full bladder and then wait patiently. So I do so, the other woman exits, and I begin to take care of business. I begin to realize I’m in it for the long haul when someone else walks in. Uh…GET OUT RIGHT NOW. I’m pretty much injuring myself at this point trying to contain myself. I begin to wait not-so-patiently again, and someone else walks in. GOD DAMMIT. I wrap things up, wash my hands…and start to shimmy to the other bathroom on our floor. There’s a “unisex (private) bathroom” across from the women’s room, I try it, it’s locked. DAMMIT. THAT is what I need. Some quiet time alone. Instead, I enter the women’s room.

I get in, it’s empty, I unzip, and someone walks in.

I start to think “I’m pregnant, I need to get over this. This won’t be the last time” but alas, I cannot do it…and at this point I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a horrid accident, in my William Rast jeans no less. I wrap it up again, and attempt the unisex restroom across the hall and it’s open. THANK GOD. I am now vowing to always attempt this restroom first. It was like my own little slice of toilet heaven.

I write this in hopes that I am not the only one in this situation, and also in the hopes that at some point I can look back and laugh at this scenario. Today was a close call. A very close call.