Archive for October, 2011

Monday years old.

Posted 27 Oct 2011 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, motherhood, paparazzi

Today, Abigail turned two. Or as she would like to have you know, “Monday.”

For the last few weeks we’ve been asking her how old she’s going to be, or how old she is…the answer is always “Monday.”

We don’t understand why, but that’s the way it is.

So to my lovely ladybug, the love of my life, my sunshine on cloudy days…

…I’m so happy to be the mama of a little girl who’s Monday.

Holy crap. This is really happening.

Posted 26 Oct 2011 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, motherhood, paparazzi

So, we made this transition last night.

The toddler rail went on the crib.

Abby had started this new life plan which included waking up anytime between 1 am and 4 am crying, DEMANDING to go into our room and sleep in our bed. I would try to just hold her in her room, or rock her in the chair in the corner, but no good. Hysterical, gag-crying, screaming “GO RIGHT DERRRR!” while pointing to our bedroom. And it’s 2:17 in the morning. And I’m totally fucking tired. So, YES. PLEASE SLEEP IN OUR ROOM IF IT MEANS I CAN SLEEP RIGHT NOW. PLZTHX.

Yeah. That got old. And fast. So during her two year wellness check yesterday**, her doctor recommended we try a toddler bed. Maybe she just doesn’t like the whole ‘behind bars’ thing. I get that. Who wants to sleep while constantly fearing becoming someone’s bitch and making sure you don’t drop the soap? Granted, I don’t think she’s aware of those kinds of fears, but I’m sure there’s some toddler-equivalent to frightening prison situations. Like not being able to watch Mickey Mouse whenever or being forced to use a binkie with “ackies” on it. Or child labor.

When I got home from work yesterday I swapped the crib rail for the toddler rail, and waited for the hubs to get home with Abbers. He had told her we had a surprise for her, and when she got in the room and saw it…it was nothing but smiles and squeals and proclamations that “it’s boootiful!!” “BIG GIRL BED!!!!1!!1!”

It was a huge success. The rest of the evening she sat in her bed demanding we bring her books so she could lay and look at them in her big girl bed. We gladly obliged.

She slept through the night in her new bed.

**Yeah, my kid is going to be two. TOMORROW. What? Like, WTF. She moved into the “Older Toddlers” room today at daycare too. I’m pretty sure tomorrow she’s going to start stealing my makeup and planning trips to the mall with her girlfriends AND MOM PLEASE DON’T EMBARRASS ME LIKE THAT. That’s all happening tomorrow. When she turns two. This is all happening too fast. Someone hand me a bottle of wine.

It is fall.

Posted 17 Oct 2011 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, paparazzi

Buying beauty.

Posted 14 Oct 2011 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category other people are morons, RAD, retail therapy

No, this isn’t a post where I describe how I’m so excited to get my nose done or buy m’self some of those new fangled fake plastic boobies.

Today at Design Mom, she posted a link and image from Ballerina Project.

It’s no secret that I wish I was a ballerina, even at the ripe old age of 31. I still believe ballerinas are the full embodiment of beauty and grace.

I moseyed over to the Ballerina Project website and looked at every single photo in the collection.

And then I bought one.

“Dancing in the Rain”

I have no idea where I will put this in my house, but every time I look at it, it brings a smile to my face. I figure if a photograph or piece of art invokes any sort of emotion, it must be good.

Go ahead and check out the Ballerina Project yourself. Get lost in the images.

Where to begin…

Posted 04 Oct 2011 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category TheRapists

To say I’ve fallen off the blogging wagon would be an obvious understatement.

Every once in a while, this happens, where I just check out of the interwebs. I’ve been absent on the Twitter as well (and my Klout score has suffered accordingly. Yet I’m not so upset about that.)

This is one of those times where I’ve really just needed to focus on me. Try to get myself back in order.

I should begin at the (sort of) beginning.

Since around the time of a few months before BlogHer, my anxiety started spiraling out of control. Prior to BlogHer, I kind of didn’t realize it as much. I was blaming my constant tummy butterflies and on-edge feeling on my hectic schedule, work, getting ready to get in a tin can and fly to San Diego to hang out with a bunch of internet besties, and trying to take care of a toddler that was sick ALL OF THE TIME. That’s all it was. NERVES.

Then, my first night at BlogHer I had a full on panic attack. While at dinner. I had to leave right as our meal was served because I was convinced I was going to barf on a table with something like 14 people seated at it. I left the restaurant and walked back to our hotel alone, feeling like I was going to explode out of my skin, throw up and pass out all at the same time. I called the hubs who talked me down from feeling like I was going to die, and eventually got back to the hotel room, put on my jammies and turned on the TV. (Lucky for me True Blood was on. Vampire Eric for the relaxation win.)

I realized then and there that my anxiety had officially gotten out of control, and that I was suffering from it almost daily. I could actually talk myself into a mild panic attack just by recounting previous panic attacks. (In fact, I’m getting lightheaded just typing this.) I had to do something. Thinking about Abby getting a cold again made me want to get in my car and leave and never come back. Like, ever. Because I just couldn’t deal. I knew I couldn’t be the mother and wife I should be and feel that way at the same time.

I talked to my therapist for the first time since March. After listening to me talk for a while, she looked me straight in the eye and calmly said, “Jenna, I think maybe it’s time to think about taking some medication.”

Ever since I started seeing her back in July of 2010, when I was dealing with some postpartum depression, it was evident I also had some anxiety issues. However, I was able to combat those AND my feelings of depression quite well with therapy and mental exercises. I was proud of myself. I didn’t need medication. I didn’t want medication. I was able to beat this on my own.

I never wanted to take medication. It felt like…defeat. That was just it, though. At this point my anxiety was winning. I was feeling defeated. I had to do something.

She recommended a psychologist she’d worked with in the past (as she is unable to prescribe meds herself.) I met with the psychologist and we talked about my past and my current issues with anxiety. She discussed different medications and then told me what she would recommend for me, and why. My fears of taking medication were, for the most part, quelled. The fact that there are medicines out there that can stop a panic attack dead in it’s tracks? Unbelievable to me. And totally awesome. And how sad I didn’t do this sooner when I’d been suffering, because I was too proud to admit I wasn’t in control anymore.

I’ve been on medication for two weeks now. It will take up to eight weeks before I should feel the full effects. Some of the side effects have been difficult, but are diminishing as time wears on.

Just knowing that I will be better, that I will feel normal, is so huge. That I don’t have to feel out of control anymore, and know I’ll be able to deal with minor stress without my brain exploding.

It’s been a rough couple of months in our house.

Things are looking up.

And I promise to be around more often.