Archive for February, 2010

Even though I cried…

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Posted 03 Feb 2010 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category baby business, motherhood, not so much
…I made it through the day.

The hubs’ dad came by just as I was feeding Abby yesterday morning – then I got her packed up and in her car seat. We took her out to his car, I strapped her in, gave her a kiss and thought to myself, “I’m doing it! And I’m not crying!”

Then she looked at me with eyes that (to me) read “Where am I going? Why aren’t you coming too?” and then I could feel it. A big fat ugly cry was coming my way. So I said goodbye to her and my father in law and shut the door and promptly lost my shit.

As quickly as it came on it subsided, and I reapplied my makeup and headed on my way to the train. I was weird/nice/still weird to be back at work. Most people said welcome back…a few people I passed in the halls gave a nod as if I’d never left (and in respect to them, they probably never knew I was gone). I finally will have my own desk again by tomorrow sometime (awesome) and will probably be getting something to work on soon. In the meantime, I’m working on my self-appraisal of my work completed last year. I keep finding myself wanting to add “…and I did it WHILE PREGNANT” to everything because really…it makes everything THAT MUCH HARDER, but I don’t think it’s entirely appropriate. But seriously – how many times was I about to toss my cookies all over my keyboard but I pressed on?! Or when it felt like Abby was going to fall out of my crotch…but I still kept working?! I should really get a 10% raise just for that fact.

When I picked Abby up at her grandparents house yesterday, she had just eaten and was in (seemingly) good spirits. And then a tantrum. Complete with gagging. (Have I mentioned she’s a fan of crying till she pukes? Cause she is.) I got her calmed down and back into her carseat and back home, where she eventually had another mini-tantrum. We’re pretty sure this is all centered around her not sleeping enough. We’re working on that.

Anyway – today is day two at work, and leaving Abby this morning was a little easier. Probably due to the fact that my father in law came over to watch her at our house today, and she hadn’t even woken up yet when I left. I just hope he doesn’t have a hard time finding his way around our house while we’re gone. Or that she doesn’t cry her eyeballs out. Or should I say “cry her formula out” because really, that’s more like it.

And thank you to my friend Sue for sending me this link on Facebook yesterday in response to my “…I’m not gonna cry, I’m not gonna cry…” status update. Because really, it’s alright to cry. :)

Today is the beginning of the end…

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Posted 01 Feb 2010 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, baby business, motherhood

…of my maternity leave.

Tomorrow, I go back to work.

Abby has been extra smiley today, which helps and hurts at the same time. She even gave me her first REAL GIGGLE! I tried so hard to get her to do it again but no. She’s also mastering squishing things between her fists to “pick them up.”

How do I feel about going back to the land of adult conversation? I’m actually really excited to go back. I can’t wait to get my mushy brain back to working order, to wear real clothes and makeup everyday. To eat and pee and use a computer* without interruption.

But not being able to pick up and snuggle my little girl whenever I want breaks my heart. I know she’s going to start doing a lot more in the coming weeks and I can’t even think about missing her firsts.

The hubs and I are in a position with his job where, if I REALLY REALLY wanted to, I could stay home. But when it really comes down to it…I don’t want to. I like my job. I like my career. I like making my own money. I am so thankful that between my job and his, we really only need 3 days of childcare, and his parents are able to take care of her for those three days. It’s a really hard decision, but I know it’s the best.

Next up – the gallbladder. The u/s came back normal, lab tests normal. Next the doc wants me to do what’s called a HIDA scan to see if maybe my gallbladder just isn’t working. Needless to say, Vincent isn’t coming out any time soon.

And the hair loss. I’m going to take a few deep breaths and write the current hair loss up to post-pregnancy hormones, but if I am still losing this much in a couple months (if there’s anything left to lose by then) I’m going to talk to my doc. I guess the time between 3-4 months PP results in the most hair loss. Until then I will gulp back the tears as I clear out my tub drain.

*This post was interrupted by a whiny baby who apparently needed a burp, because she spit up all over herself and her bouncy chair. Cleanup of both baby and chair was followed by an awesome Abby nap in the glider. Messy dining room and dirty dishes can wait when Abby falls asleep on Momma. Especially on her last day before going…back…to…work…..WAH!

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