I was planning on coming back from vacay and writing an epic recap post, along with something about our pending plans to get this little kid on the sleep training…uh…train, when something else happened.

I thought I was going to die. In fact, I occasionally still do.

I woke up Sunday morning with what felt like the worst acid reflux/heartburn ever. Then I got the business. I wrote it off to late-night orange consumption and took a Pepto. The pain kept getting worse. I popped some Prevacid. Nothing. Then the pain got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I thought I had a bleeding ulcer, or that my gallbladder had finally had enough and was trying to explode out of my abdomen. The hubs stayed home with Abbers while his mom & I went to the ER.

The doc gave me a Maalox & numbing-something concoction to rule out stomach issues. It didn’t help. He probed my tummy and I nearly went through the roof when he touched my right side. He started mumbling about my appendix or my gallbladder and I started panicking. I ended up getting a CAT scan and he determined that my “ascending colon” (that’s in quotes because I don’t know what the hell that is) was thickened and enlarged, probably due to a case of….

TRAVELERS DIARRHEA.

Is that not the grosses thing you’ve ever heard? Worst part is, diarrhea (shudder) wasn’t my big issue. My issue was the horrendous pain I was in. I got a prescription for Cipro which he said only to use if the…ehem….business doesn’t get better. (It has.) The pain is still lingering, as is my new diet. The BRAT diet – bananas, rice, applesauce and toast.

I’m feeling better, for the most part. My most awesome brother-in-law came over today to lend a hand with Abbers while I rested. I’m eating my toast like a champ and the pain is about a quarter of what it was yesterday. I get little episodes where it hurts REALLY bad, but they’re getting fewer and fewer. I’m hoping that by tomorrow I’m back in the saddle again, to quote Aerosmith. (It only seemed totally out of context and thus, belonged in this post.)

So yeah. I totally just spent a whole post talking about poop and pain and whatever. Don’t hate me. It happens to everyone.