Monday:

Wednesday:

So I pulled up to an ATM to get some cash money millionaires for a soda or something and there was a card & receipt still in the machine, which was beeping wildly at their owner, who clearly didn’t give a shit about their dollars and cents. So being the patron saint that I am, I pulled both out, went about my ATM business and then brought the card & receipt upstairs to the bank from which they were issued. While I was walking, I glanced at the receipt at the “available balance” on the account.

$749,960.10

I literally had to count the decimal places to make sure I was seeing it right. My first thought was OMG WE’RE BUYING A NEW HOUSE, but then I remembered most home sellers don’t take check cards, so I bailed on that. Then I remembered my buddy karma, and continued onto the bank, where the teller choked on his gum when I pointed it out to him. I left to buy my soda, and bought a lotto ticket as well, hoping for instant karma. I’m just checking my numbers now…annndddd I won $1. YOU STILL OWE ME, KARMA.

Thursday:

Friday: