Today I was able to get an appointment to talk to John the midwife. We talked over my ultrasound results, and my options.

Over the weekend, I decided that I want to take care of this via D&C. I can’t imagine waiting for weeks for a miscarriage to happen on it’s own. I have a full time job and there’s no way I’ll be able to focus on work or anything else while this waiting game continues. John agreed, commenting that he knows me and knows I like when things are black and white. Right now they are as grey as can be. He ordered an hCG from bloodwork that was drawn on Thursday, and one for today. We agreed that if the numbers are plateauing or decreasing, we’ll go ahead with the D&C on Wednesday. If for some reason that wasn’t happening, we’d proceed with an ultrasound on Thursday. Later this afternoon I met with a doctor from the clinic to talk about the procedure, and we planned to go with with John and I had discussed.

John called me this evening.

My hCG on Thursday was 79,500. Today? 132,920. Needless to say, we’re having the ultrasound Thursday.

Don’t get me wrong, I want this pregnancy to be legit more than ever. I just can’t handle false hope. I had made peace with what was happening this morning and felt better than I did all weekend. Now? I don’t know what to think.

On one hand, I have had no signs telling me that I might be miscarrying. Some cramping all weekend, but I’ve also been dehydrated. (See? There’s that hope thing kicking in.)

So…Thursday will have an answer for us one way or another, I hope. If you’re into praying or crossing appendages, if you could do so for us…I would appreciate it.