The last couple months have been quite trying. Reaching a level of “normal” life seems to come within reach, only to be pulled away when something else comes up.

I hadn’t written about it yet, as I was hoping it would resolve itself, but during this whole debacle, it was discovered I was testing positive for a new antibody – Anti-C – during routine pre-op blood work. It was an antibody that just 7 days prior was non-existent in my body. Having antibodies during pregnancy can mean anything from increased weekly labs to as much as an intrauterine fetal blood transfusion in extreme cases. My husband is an antigen carrier of Cc (for anyone who is familiar with any of this kind of business) so it was possible he was the cause, but not likely as the pregnancy was so early on. After much testing, and apparent debating at our area’s American Red Cross blood bank/University of Minnesota Transfusion clinic, they think the anti-C in my blood is a by product of a Rhogam shot I was given 4 days prior to my D&C. It’s weird, but apparently possible.

I received some labwork last week that lead me to believe that the Anti-C was gone, giving us the green light to start trying again. You guys? I was so happy. Like, tears of joy happy. I was FINALLY closing the door on this awful fucking experience. However, the write-up was misleading, and my OB explained that I still have a trace of Anti-C in my system. She wants me to have weekly tests for the next 4.5 months to try to test it down to a negative result (which she believes will occur)…but is putting us on the bench until that happens. (I could still get pregnant in the meantime, but instead of wasting time and money on tests I might not need, they just want to make sure they know what they’re dealing with.) I thought I was doing well with everything until I got this news. That pretty much threw me back into my pit of despair. My lovely friend Babe Chilla wrote a post capturing how I feel, for the most part…so instead of going into it, I’ll just let you read her post.

Anyway – all of this has forced me to step away from Facebook and Google and online support forums to just try and STOP CARING SO MUCH. And it’s helped. It was so nice over the weekend to just focus on me, my family and work on our house. We got our bathroom painted – one of the last hurdles to cross before being able to list our house. Last night I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Letting go and focusing on things I’ve been neglecting for a while was just what the doctor ordered. Things will happen when they’re going to happen and there’s not much I can do to change that.

So, I might not be as present on social media as I once was. I see how much it’s emotionally affecting me, and taking time away from being with my family. Am I an addict? Yes. I chase information on the internet when I feel helpless, which pretty much has put me online ALL. THE. TIME. And I’m just done. I’ll still be around, just not as much. Of course, that doesn’t apply here, where I am already barely ever around. I’ll keep that up.

And here are some photos of what we’ve been up to over the weekend.

(Be sure to read my recap of this week’s Walking Dead over at Mamapop!)