My body is fucking with me.

Only twice in the past year have I made it past 11dpo without getting my period. TWICE.

And here I am, with no spotting or anything at 11dpo, and no sign of it coming.

At this point, I am welcoming my period. I have no inkling of hope this will result in a BFP.

I hate you, body. Thanks for toying with me.

Signed,

Crabby McCrabberton.

On a side note, I’m pretty sure the 2ww must have steps – like, hope, excitement, crabbiness, loss of hope, and eventual acceptance.

Glad to know that I’ve moved through all of them. Maybe I’m missing a few.

Maybe I shouldn’t give up. Like I said in a few posts below, FF says I should be testing a week from tomorrow. But WTF is that? If my period is THAT late, and I still got a BFN I might dive off a cliff. Luckily for my loved ones, we’ll be back from Mexico by then so it won’t be so easy.

I’m not testing again until Wednesday. But I’m pretty convinced AF will be here before that. Besides, my temp went down today. That can’t be good.

Le sigh.

Well, I’m in bed, laying with the hubs, listening to the waves and the birds in Mexico.

“Very few couples conceive on the first try. In fact, even if everything is absolutely in perfect working order, you only have a 20-25% chance of conception each month.”

and

“Getting pregnant is a game of statistics. Two very fertile people who have sex together regularly (more than twice a week or so) have about a thirty percent chance of getting pregnant within a month. So if three fertile couples start trying at the same time, on average one of them is going to luck out right away.

Some people are less fertile than others. Maybe the woman doesn’t release an egg every month or the man has a low sperm count. As a couple, they won’t be infertile, just subfertile — maybe they have a 10 percent chance of conceiving each month. And if by chance the man with the low sperm count is trying to have a baby with the woman who only ovulates twice a year, their chance per month of conceiving might be two percent, or something like that. But two percent isn’t zero, and they might by chance conceive the first time they try; they would never even know they had a “problem”!”

For two reasons, tomorrow is the big day. Not only am I flying to Puerto Vallarta at 6:40am, but I’m also doing my first test. Holy crap. I hope my aim is good.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect to see much of anything but a big fat control line. This is for two reasons:

1. Dude, it is way too early to test, and
2. I’m getting different kinds of cramps today. There’s less pinching/twinges and more like full on AF cramp-age. This might not be good. However, I’m not known to ever get cramps before AF. They usually happen after she’s arrived. Yes, I know I’m weird.

AF is due…you know, any minute now…since my average LP is about 9 days (min 6, max 14). So…my original plan of packing my suitcase full of tampons and pee sticks is still in full gear. In fact, they’re both already nestled snugly under my flip-flops and dresses. I suppose it won’t be the weirdest thing the baggage inspectors have ever seen, but it will be amusing none the less. Maybe I should throw a bunch of condoms in there as well.

But for the love of GOD…I would very much enjoy even the faintest of faint BFPs tomorrow.

I’ll post the results here before I leave. I’m bringing my laptop with me on vacay so I can keep charting and stay connected a little to the outside world.

My plan of not telling anyone we’re TTC has officially failed. And I hate myself for it.