While grocery shopping and browsing the ice cream aisle, a fine gentleman told me:
“You’d better feed that big belly of yours!”
PLEASE PLEASE tell me I look pregnant. If I just look fat and some dude says this, I’m going to curl up and die.
This was towards the end of my shopping. Before I even got in the store I was told that I have a “fine pussy.”
I’m never going grocery shopping alone again. I think this has just become the hubs’ duty.
This woman is a gossip columnist for the Minneapolis Star Tribune. She mostly talks about Prince (since he singled her out in a negative way in one of his songs) but also talks about other totally lame celeb gossip.
Today’s headline?
‘Idol’ winner: A thing for thongs?
Cheek floss. Is this really what an “American Idol” winner Kris Allen includes among his Club Wedd Registry at Target?
Does anyone know what a joke is anymore? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a clue who Kris Allen is really (I’m not an avid AI fan) and I don’t give a crap about what people think of him, but I’m quite sure that this was a joke. For Christ’s sake – I registered for Hannah Montana Hand Sanitizer at Babies R Us a couple weeks ago, thanks to some coaxing from my BFF Martini. No, I do not plan on feeding it to my baby, nor do I want to let the baby play with it like a toy. IT’S AN EFFING JOKE.
So sad.
I hate TMZ too. Kind of off topic, but not really.
If you’re a reader of Martini’s (which some of you may be) – you may notice her blog is offline again. That is because someone using the email address shannonjkramer@hotmail.com and with the name “Shannon Kramer” has been sending a link to her blog to people that may not necessarily need to be reading it. This person is obviously trying to out her in some form or another, and this is the second (or third?) time in Martini’s blogging career that such an event has taken place.
Martini’s requesting your help. Recognize that name or email address? Leave me a comment – together we’ll get to the bottom of this travesty.
(PS – please feel free to send hate mail to this “Shannon.” I give you my full permission.)
I have not posted in a long time, but today’s activities warranted a post. (Does this prove my life is boring? Only slightly.)
So the hubs and I went for a nice Saturday trip to Bed Bath & Beyond to find a new pillow for his achin’ head. We find one, and upon pulling into the alley, only a few garages away from our own, we see smoke. A LOT of smoke…billowing from what appears to be our garage. I floor it to investigate, and we determine that the smoke is coming from the yard of our new neighbor.
That’s right. This guy seems to think that burning leaves in your yard is legal in the city.
I’m sorry, sir – but you live IN MINNEAPOLIS. NOT IN BUMFARK, MINNESOTA. I still don’t understand WTF this guy was thinking. He raked all the leaves from his yard into a pile in what is the garden in the summer, and lit the thing on fire. All within 4 feet of a wooden fence, and 8 feet of our garage (which…trust me when I say, is really nothing but kindling being held together with a few nails and hope).
By the time we got home, our whole backyard was FILLED with the stinky smoke. We coughed and gagged our way into the back door, and then realized the smoke was pretty much beginning to stink up our home.
After not being able to turn up any laws against burning in yards (aside from one that said recreational burning must take place within a firepit or outdoor fireplace), I called 911. I really didn’t necessarily want to bust the guy, but I wanted to know if it was indeed legal.
So, I call, and tell the dispatcher that our neighbor is burning a pile of leaves in his backyard and … she cuts me off.
“You wouldn’t happen to be calling about (insert address of the house next door here)?”
“Uh, yeah, actually.”
“We already have the fire department on the way.”
Excellent. I’m glad someone else complained before me.
So the fire department comes down the street. The hubs actually sees them pointing into the backyard of the house, laughing. They probably can’t believe the guy’s such an idiot either. They come back into the alley, make the guy turn on his hose, and start raking the fire and putting it out. I’m wondering whether he was issued a citation for it or not, but whatever. I’m just glad he put the damn thing out. Our house stunk of smoke for a good 3 hours afterward.
And that my friends, is the most excitement I’ve had in a long, long time.
We started today out with sleeping in a little late, and then heading to the clinic to see the babe. It was not without a scare, but what in my life is?
The u/s tech got me started with the tummy kind, and I was already thinking I was getting the dildocam. So…she starts looking around and then says “How far along do you think you are?” And I’m all “about 7 weeks, though my LMP would have me around 8.”
So jerkface says “Oh, you’re much much earlier than that. Maybe 5 or 6 weeks AT THE MOST. We’ll have to use the internal.”
Insert expressionless emotion here.
I was like….”uh, NO. I’m 7 weeks. I know when I ovulated.” Then I started to panic and began asking all sorts of questions that she returned with only a confused look and said “We’ll know what we have when we see it, mmmkay?”
Insert pissed off emoticon here.
So the hubs is just sitting there all sorts of uncomfortable as the tech lubes up the dildocam and tells me to “insert it into my vagina” (ha) and she begins to measure my ovaries. Uhm, thanks – could you just get to the baby please?
And then, there it was. The babe. And the heartbeat, flickering on the screen. I’m pretty sure I released an audible gasp, and my eyes welled up with tears.
The little bee was measuring 7 weeks, and it’s heart was beating away at 143 bpm. Then she focused in on the heart and we got to actually hear it.
It was insane. The fact that my body is supporting two heartbeats completely blows my mind.
She was nothing but kind after this point. (She even gave me the “you were right” response I was looking for. I’m kind of an ass.) Everything looked perfect!
No, that’s not a peanut, it’s a baby.
And to top it off, I feel pretty decent today. Like night and day from yesterday. Seabands are back to being my friend.
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