The postpartum fog.

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Posted 05 Mar 2010 in baby business, motherhood

A week ago or so I wrote this post about feeling like I have ADD. It’s gotten no better, and in fact….I might even say worse. I completely lost my train of thought MID-SENTENCE a few times while at work this week. Once during an interview of a potential new coworker. It was humiliating to the nth degree.

So, as I usually do, I asked my ladies and also the ladies at The Bump what they thought about it. I was, at the time, convinced this was a side effect of the BCPs I’m on, the Mirena, or both. (I’ve blogged about how I thought Yasmin caused my mild depression and thus got kicked to the curb a few years ago.) Lots of ladies said they feel the same way, but without hormonal birth control. Others mentioned that memory loss and brain fog are also symptoms of PPD, which I’m not fully convinced I have since I do not feel down or have any other symptoms of. Regardless, to be safe I plan on speaking to John the Midwife about all of this shortly.

In any case, lil’ Blair Bear posted this today on her blog, and these two bullet points really rang out to me:

  • Negative feelings dominate when returning to work post-baby. Top five feelings were guilty, overwhelmed, stressed, sad and anxious
  • 59% of working moms no longer cared as much about work post-baby.

I think I have two main issues that are causing my seriously lack of focus – I don’t care about my job as much anymore, and I wish to be at home with my little girl.

Now, I think MOST new moms feel the same way when they go back to work. However, I have secondary problems. This blog is one of them. And all of my e-moms I chat with daily. I’d rather be blogging, tweeting and chatting about Abby all day rather than be at work. I have all these ideas for this blog and what I want to do with it, and really…the only time I have to work on it is uhm…while I’m working. So then, I’m in meetings and I’m thinking about my blog or something that’s going on in my mommy forums and all the sudden it’s been a half hour, the meeting’s over and I have no idea what happened.

It’s serious shiny object syndrome. When I’m at home with my little girl and I don’t have to worry about work anymore, my brain levels out and I’m thinking quite clearly. When I’m at work though, everything changes and I just can’t focus on the task at hand. Actually, ask me what I’m supposed to be working on right now and I’ll just give you a big old blank stare because I simply don’t know.

I wish I could just stay home with Abby because I miss her every second I’m away from her and feel like I could just be a better person if we were always together. But I know that right now, that’s not an option…and may never BE an option.

Ah, ramblings. Anyway, that’s what’s on my mind right now. And look! I was able to focus on one thing for like, 20 minutes!


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