I’m at that point…

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Posted 15 Nov 2007 in marriage

…where I suddenly realize why I’ve been down in the dumps lately. Yes, I suppose it’s partially the “post wedding blues” which I hate to admit but is sadly a real condition. I’ve also realized it’s my job. I’ll explain.

Post-Wedding Blues
This has nothing to do with the fact that my “glory day” is over and that the spotlight is no longer on me. Anyone who knows me knows I don’t care to have all the attention on me. Sometimes is nice, but whatever. :) It’s mostly because, for everyday of a 14 month time span, I was planning something and devoted most of my brainpower to make everything perfect for one day. And, surprisingly, I did it – with help from my best friends and family. However, since the wedding’s been over, I have nothing to do. I mean, it took me 2 months to get my thank you notes out and that was my only responsibility. I just always had something to do; whether it be calling 836 florists for pricing or just worrying about time lines, I had purpose.

My Job
I won’t say where I work. But I basically work for an internet type company. And my job is to update and develop their websites. Except, lately I’ve been stuck on a project and am starting to feel like a minute cog that no one knows exists. I’m not going to say I hate my job, because when I am working on something fun, I really enjoy it. But I’ve been so bored lately, and not challenged, I’m basically in the same type of “wedding funk” – I have no purpose.

I know I’m moving in a month, so I’ll start to do my ultra-nerdy and organized thing again, but for now, I need to remind myself that I have a life outside of my job…and that I don’t need a wedding to plan to feel useful. I need to start hanging out with my friends more often and (*gasp*) stop fearing the phone and start communicating with my friends and family more often. (I almost thought about blaming this on being an only child and not having good social/life skills, but I digress.)

So, there – crabby, depressed, incommunicado me. I’m going to make myself be happy and like the old Jenna again if it’s the last thing I do.

On a side note, I bought a pack of cigarettes today. I don’t care if I start smoking again. It made me happy and I kind of miss it. Plus, I’m sure once this pack is gone I’ll hate it again and probably quit. :)

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