So yeah. It’s Friday and I’ve been home since Sunday. I had a lot of grandiose ideas about how to sum up my experience. And now, it’s sadly been so long that I don’t remember all the EXTREMELY FUNNY PARTS, because there were many. So, today I’ll try to wrap this up using bulleted lists. This weekend I’ll wrap it up with pictures. Kind of like a children’s book but with way more cleavage and wine.

Thursday

• Martha Party
  • Met up with Morgan, Mandy, Mae, Jen & Allison
    • Didn’t know Allison lives right over the river from me. WTF?
    • Jen & Allison won shit from Martha. Allison=crazy awesome toaster oven thingy. Jen=cute bracelet that is so small it will fit NO ONE. We decide Martha really and officially hates Jen.
    • Drank wine and ate springrolls. And drank more wine.
    • Grope-humped a dress form wearing a gorgeous wedding gown.
    • Took unauthorized photos of Martha’s offices.
    • Snagged the last of the swag bags.
• Went to the People’s Party
  • I have faint memories of this. I blame wine. I finally met Beth Anne though, after knowing each other for years on the Bump. And also met Jill, who was being a trooper by dealing with crazy drunk bitches while she and her lovely bump had some gingerale.
  • Mandy and I checked the weather. Turns out, it was warm.
  • Hung out in the bathroom with the Bloggess. Right where she said she’d be.
• Didn’t want to go to bed, so Jen, Mandy & myself went to a place called Coffee Shop and ate foods and drank beers. And laughed. LOTS.

Friday

• Woke up on the verge of a hangover
• Got lost trying to find the Newbie Breakfast. (I know, right? Fricken NOOBS.)
• Listened to a keynote after breakfast and watched Jen get mad.
• Walked around the expo with Mandy scoring ridiculous amounts of free shizz.
• Ran into my old pal Bruce Jenner where we had the following conversation
  Bruce: Hey, do you guys follow my daughter Kim on the Twitter?
  Us: Uh….YEAH. OBVS. (no we don’t)
  Bruce: She really enjoys it. You know, she works really hard on that!
  Us: <crickets>
  Who works really hard on Twitter? I mean, besides Kanye? (NOTE THE SARCASM.)
• Went to Getting Gorgeous. I’m not going to brag but HOLY CRAP. Alright, I’m done.
• Met Lindsay, Amber and Mara throughout the day. LOVE THEM ALL.
• Dumped our crap and stole lunch or something.
• Got ready for the “gala.”
  • Watched that man-child you-tube sensation sing “Paparazzi” and play piano.
  • Looked at some fabulous art. Some of which I want to buy.
  • Cut in line to have the Bloggess type my aura/fortune.
• Left the Gala because SNORE and then walked around Times Square with the hubs.

Saturday

• Got breakfast with Morgan at Starbucks because we don’t believe in making it on time to meals.
• Actually went to a session! WHOA. The one I went to included the Bloggess (I promise I’m not stalking her) and talked about story-telling versus the truth or something. Who cares. The Bloggess was HILARIOUS. And I actually feel like I might have learned something.
• Ran into Lacey and finally got to meet her after following her blog for years. Yay internets!
• Bailed on the afternoon to have lunch with the hubs and his brother. SUSHI! and then SHOPPING! AT BROOKLYN INDUSTRIES!
• Got back to the hotel to go to a “special party” we were invited to.
  • Morgan and I got glow in the dark…uh…”special gifts.”
• Went to Sparklecorn
  • I’ve talked about Sparklecorn already but HOLY CRAP I have not had that much fun in ever. My whole reason for attending BlogHer11 may just be Sparklecorn. No lie.
  • Rapped with Morgan
  • Twisted my ankle thrice pretending to be Beyonce in the Single Ladies video
  • Used peer pressure to make unicorn cakes smoke ciggys.
• Party Crashed CheeseburgHer.
  • Ate a McDonalds Angus Wrap.
    • They are surprisingly good.
• Said goodbye to people.
  • Got pretty damn emotional.

The timeline may be off, I may be missing people I met or things I did…but that’s what I recall.

Guys, seriously. I had the time of my life over the weekend. It really did remind me why I do this in the first place – to connect with others who lead a similar life to mine, with similar interests and similar profanity usage. I found all that and more…IRL at this conference. Every moment was worth it.