Archive for 2013

Selling Our House Is Making Me Feel All The Feels.

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Posted 22 Apr 2013 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category house stuffs, marriage, motherhood, not so much, paparazzi, toddler business

You guys. This house selling business? Pretty much the dumbest thing we’ve ever decided to do. I mean, yeah – in the end it will be a new chapter in our lives that shapes…blah blah zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Sorry. So tired. Because BUY MY HOUSE.

livingroom

After stressing for a few weeks, and staging, purging, organizing, cleaning, and shoving all remaining items into closets, drawers, and please don’t look under our bed…our house hit the market Saturday morning. And minutes later, we had our first showing scheduled. Yesterday we had another, and then an open house.

It’s only been 3 days and I’m already freaking out. What if nobody buys it. What it the reasons I want to move are all the things people can see in the house?

The first couple ‘s feedback was A great house. Number two on our list. Good. VERY good.

bedroom

The second couple’s feedback? Too close to high school. Uh….I KNOW. As a newly married couple who bought this house over five years ago? We could literally give a fuck. We had many fucks to give on this topic. Now? GET OFF MY LAWN WITH YOUR CHEETOS BAGS YOU JERKS. But seriously, for 2.5 years of being in this house I didn’t care. Now? I just want a more family friendly hood in an awesome school district. (I’m so old.) So…someone has to have the capacity to look past that small issue, right? Because we did?

Back to this being a dumb idea – who the hell can keep their house this clean? I mean, I can’t even BEGIN to imagine what happens to larger families with houses that sit on the market for MONTHS. How do you keep a house SPOTLESS for that long? I mean, we’ve had ours “photo ready” since Friday and already I feel like the worst mom on the planet. On Sunday, two hours before a showing and open house, Abby managed to spill her apple juice three times that morning. After the third time I sternly told her “WE ARE TRYING TO KEEP THE HOUSE CLEAN AND YOU’RE MAKING MAMA SAD WHEN YOU SPILL.” (Great parenting, me. That’ll stop three-year-old clumsiness.) No less than 5 minutes later, I heard her in the bathroom doing something and left my kitchen cleaning to make sure she wasn’t messing something up. When I entered the bathroom she jumped and dropped the hand towel she was struggling to retrieve. I asked her what she was doing, and she answered “nothing” which I’ve already learned is code for “something I will not disclose on the grounds that it may incriminate me.” After some coaxing, she explained that she spilled some more apple juice on the tray in the living room but I was being too mean so she didn’t want to tell me. She was going to try to clean it up herself. When I went in the living room, it was the smallest dot of juice.

abbys

I nearly broke down in bad mama tears in front of her, but kept it in check. I was turning into a crazy person trying to keep the house clean and also managing to make my three year old terrified of me. I gave her a big hug and said sorry that I was being mean, and that I didn’t mean it. I informed her that I would be nicer, gave her a paper towel in case she spilled again (and that accidents happen and it’s not a big deal!) and that when she sells her first house she can think back on this moment when her mama had her foot in the insane asylum door and realize that selling your house really is the dumbest idea ever.

Because THEN when we looked at other houses I started getting all sad because I LIKE MY HOUSE YOU GUYS. I really do. If I could pick it up and move it somewhere else I probably would. Of course, it was built in 1932 and I feel like moving it might have structural implications, so we’re not going to explore that avenue.

I just…so many things, you guys. People who buy houses and then fix them up only to sell them again? And also do this as a business? WITH THEIR FAMILIES? Have to be slightly crazy and also on lots of emotion numbing medication because I don’t know how I’m going to get through this without there being many tears for many reasons.

This was such a dumb idea.

Sleep Training a Toddler, aka Rip My Heart Out and Cover It In My Daughter’s Tears

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Posted 02 Apr 2013 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, not so much, toddler business

Remember when I wrote about us Ferberizing our daughter when she was just a little over a year old? And I was all WHY DIDN’T WE DO THIS SOONER and all was good in the world? Like, we put her down and she’d sleep. It was magic. And then right before her second birthday, we turned her crib into a toddler bed after having some new sleep issues…which was the solution we needed at the time.

Then we got the brilliant idea to get her a big girl bed a couple months later so we could lay in bed with her if we needed to (insert maniacal laughter here) since we were doing a lot of book reading before bed.

At some point after the big girl bed transition, we started laying in bed with her while she fell asleep. We apparently must have also mastered smoking crack because that is the worst idea anyone has ever had. Like, WAY worse than Milli Vanlli coming out as lip-syncers. (As an aside, auto-correct wants me to make “lip-syncers” into “LIP-CANCERS.” Whatever you say, auto-correct.) To get to the point, here was our new nighttime routine.

8:30pm – Bathtime
9:00pm – Into her bed with a book.
9:30pm – Lay there while she uses stall tactics and slowly goes to sleep.
9:52pm – I fall asleep.
10:34pm – I wake up and she’s sleeping and I’m crabby and groggy and then I go to bed, where I am unable to fall asleep until 12:45am.

Repeat the next night, but insert the hubs and SO ON.

Yeah. That wasn’t working for anyone but Abby. The hubs and I would basically get an hour or two after Abby went to bed to watch our TV shows or get work done or talk like adults. Not working.

So, after an exceptionally long Sunday night of stall tactics resulting in the hubs not getting to bed until almost 11pm, he declared this routine to no longer be valid. I agreed but didn’t actually think we were going to do anything about it yet. Have you dealt with a three year old before? They’re assholes and SUPER GOOD at getting what they want all the time. I mean, I know in the back of my head that with all the things we have on the horizon (selling our house, possibly moving in with the in-laws (that’s a whole other post), moving into a new house, maybe having another baby) – that this problem really needs to be resolved before it looks like she’s getting shit on from multiple sources.

So last night, I came up with a plan: Abby would earn a piece of a puzzle every night she fell asleep without us in bed with her. Once she completes the puzzle, we’ll go to Target and buy her a Princess bike. (Yay bribery!)

abbysbike (I printed out this picture and put it above her bed to look at when she’s having a hard time.)

Last night….ugh. It did not go well. We tried just reading her a book and then being like, “Peace out, bro!” but it did not go well. So many tears, so many screams of “MAMAAAAAA! MAMA DADA MAMAAAAAAAAAAA!” After 20 minutes of this, we finally resigned to me sitting on the floor next to her bed while she tried to go to sleep. Every once in a while, she would roll over and sniffle, “Am I doing a good job, mama?” and then I would die a little inside. “Yep, you’re doing an awesome job, lady. So proud of you.” Then she would roll back over. Finally, when I thought she was asleep, I got up and started to walk out of the room. She moved a bit in bed, and as I had my hand on the doorknob, she quietly said “Bye bye, mama” and I said “Goodnight” and that was it. No tears. She rolled over and fell asleep. She only woke once during the night, and I went in and gave her a sip of water, tucked her back in and she was back to sleep.

Tonight is round two. The hubs is going to sit a little closer to the door tonight. We’ll keep inching towards the door until we’re just outside it. Then we’ll sit outside the door with it closed. Then we’re done. (I think?) Thanks Supernanny for the idea, BTW.

*sigh* Parenting is exciting.

Shifting Focus

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Posted 11 Mar 2013 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category blog bidnass, motherhood, not so much

The last couple months have been quite trying. Reaching a level of “normal” life seems to come within reach, only to be pulled away when something else comes up.

I hadn’t written about it yet, as I was hoping it would resolve itself, but during this whole debacle, it was discovered I was testing positive for a new antibody – Anti-C – during routine pre-op blood work. It was an antibody that just 7 days prior was non-existent in my body. Having antibodies during pregnancy can mean anything from increased weekly labs to as much as an intrauterine fetal blood transfusion in extreme cases. My husband is an antigen carrier of Cc (for anyone who is familiar with any of this kind of business) so it was possible he was the cause, but not likely as the pregnancy was so early on. After much testing, and apparent debating at our area’s American Red Cross blood bank/University of Minnesota Transfusion clinic, they think the anti-C in my blood is a by product of a Rhogam shot I was given 4 days prior to my D&C. It’s weird, but apparently possible.

I received some labwork last week that lead me to believe that the Anti-C was gone, giving us the green light to start trying again. You guys? I was so happy. Like, tears of joy happy. I was FINALLY closing the door on this awful fucking experience. However, the write-up was misleading, and my OB explained that I still have a trace of Anti-C in my system. She wants me to have weekly tests for the next 4.5 months to try to test it down to a negative result (which she believes will occur)…but is putting us on the bench until that happens. (I could still get pregnant in the meantime, but instead of wasting time and money on tests I might not need, they just want to make sure they know what they’re dealing with.) I thought I was doing well with everything until I got this news. That pretty much threw me back into my pit of despair. My lovely friend Babe Chilla wrote a post capturing how I feel, for the most part…so instead of going into it, I’ll just let you read her post.

Anyway – all of this has forced me to step away from Facebook and Google and online support forums to just try and STOP CARING SO MUCH. And it’s helped. It was so nice over the weekend to just focus on me, my family and work on our house. We got our bathroom painted – one of the last hurdles to cross before being able to list our house. Last night I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Letting go and focusing on things I’ve been neglecting for a while was just what the doctor ordered. Things will happen when they’re going to happen and there’s not much I can do to change that.

So, I might not be as present on social media as I once was. I see how much it’s emotionally affecting me, and taking time away from being with my family. Am I an addict? Yes. I chase information on the internet when I feel helpless, which pretty much has put me online ALL. THE. TIME. And I’m just done. I’ll still be around, just not as much. Of course, that doesn’t apply here, where I am already barely ever around. I’ll keep that up. :)

And here are some photos of what we’ve been up to over the weekend.

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We took this lady bowling for the first time.
She liked it.

 

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New bathroom paint color.

(Be sure to read my recap of this week’s Walking Dead over at Mamapop!)

Currently.

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Posted 20 Feb 2013 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category currently

The scene at my desk earlier this week. Diabeetus cat wants you to have some Easter candy.

The scene at my desk earlier this week. Diabeetus cat wants you to have some Easter candy.

Watching: Finally watched Walking Dead from last Sunday. Can I mention how much I HATE the Governor? What a dink. Also, watching a lot of HGTV since we’re seriously looking into getting our house listed in the next 45 days.

Thinking about: Home improvements and SPRING. It’s been super cold here (again) the last couple of days, and a snowstorm is apparently heading our way tomorrow night. I could really use some 50 degree temps, some green grass and open house windows.

Reading: Sadly, I haven’t read a book in a while. I have a bunch queued up in my Kindle and books from friends sitting on my nightstand, but haven’t read anything yet.

Looking forward to: Getting our bathroom repainted this weekend. Once step closer to listing our house! Also, things “getting back to normal” so we can see about this baby business.

Making me happy: Knowing that we’re actually working on our house…and feeling closer to finding our new “forever” home.

 

(Borrowed from Sometimes Sweet. I feel like doing this weekly might help me get my blogging mojo back.)

Check out my latest post at Mamapop: Justin Bieber vs Patrick Carney: The Twitter Drama Saga Continues

My rock.

2 Comments
Posted 30 Jan 2013 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category marriage, motherhood, other people are awesome, The Hubs

To say the last two weeks have been hard would be an understatement. I have cried, slept, and been awake more in the last 13 days than I feel like ever. I’ve been crying for good reason, and crying for no good reason. Hormones are a bitch, people. And mine are all over the effing place. People who know me are aware that I’m a pretty solid person. I don’t tend to cry easily, or let things get to me too much. However, when my facade gets even the smallest fissure, the rest of me tends to melt away. I get anxious. Depressed. I can fall apart.

This me has only been around a few times. Like, a couple months after I had Abby. Then when my anxiety peaked last summer. And now.

I hate this me. I know I have no control over my emotions and me without control is like a malt without hot fudge. It just. doesn’t. work.

I’ve had a rough couple of nights. Last night I had a class A panic attack, intensified by worrying about the new strain of Norovirus (have you read about this?!). I was completely gone. But Josh, the awesome husband that he is, told me to back away from the internet, lay down in bed and let him take care of Abby and everything else. I cried (of course, right now it’s my only reaction to anything) and felt so damn grateful to have such a thoughtful husband.

Tonight wasn’t much different. Abby continued her newest trick of hating everything we’ve ever offered her to eat, and flat out refused both pizza and oatmeal. What’s frustrating is that she’ll eat pretty much anything anyone else gives her – at school or at her grandparents house. For us? AS IF. We struggled and fought with her for 45 minutes about eating until she decided she would drink milk and snuggle with me instead, which I allowed. Then bath time turned into struggle number 2, more tears, more acting out. Part of me knows she’s sensing my emotions and reacting to them, and unfortunately I have little to no patience these days. She shaped up enough when she got out of the tub, but cried more during teeth brushing. I’d had enough, and Josh sensed it. He stepped in and took over. Which again, made me cry.

I feel horrible for being this way. For what I feel like is rubbing off on my daughter, for feeling useless, even though I really do feel like I’m okay most of the time. I know this is my hormones wreaking havoc on my psyche, but not being able to control any of it is sending me over the edge.

Through it all though is Josh. Being my rock. Standing by my side when all I can do is cry or lay in bed or stare at my computer. He has done nothing but take care of me for the last two weeks and make sure I’m okay.

People say this all of the time, and I’m sure I’ve said it before too, but I’ve never in my life meant it more than now:

I don’t know what I would do without him.

I keep wishing time away – for when mentally I’m repaired and not disabled by these hormones. For when we can start trying for another baby. For when I’ll be pregnant again. But I feel like the more I’m wishing, the more I’m removing myself from the present. But it’s just so damn hard to be here right now. Mentally. And physically…I guess. I’m rambling.

Anyway. I know I’ll get through this. And I’ll eternally be grateful for a husband that will do anything to make sure I that I do.

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