Archive for the ‘not so much’ Category

Time moves on.

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Posted 10 Apr 2009 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category not so much

I’m still at my parents house, funeral for my grandmother was yesterday. It was a really, really hard day. I bought some Sudafed beforehand – I knew all the crying would bring on a sinus headache of extreme proportions. And I was right. The Sudafed did nothing. ALL DAY. From about noon until almost midnight I had a headache that wouldn’t quit. So, on top of being the most sad I’ve been in over a year, I felt like shit.

I’m glad the day is over. I miss her very, very much.

So, posting probably won’t resume until Monday. I’ll be here until Sunday evening. I swear I have a belly pic for the 9 week point, but I won’t be able to post it until I get home.

Gone too soon.

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Posted 07 Apr 2009 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category cancer sucks, not so much, other people are awesome

I’ll miss you more than you’ll ever know, my dear Gabba.

.

Maybe a little early, but a letter.

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Posted 07 Apr 2009 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category baby business, cancer sucks, not so much, other people are awesome

My dearest babybee,

Today, you have been in my tummy for 9 weeks. In those 9 weeks, many things (not all of the exciting nature) have happened. I’ve been to Mexico, you’ve grown a liver and other vital organs, I’ve slept and complained a lot, and we both ventured to the Twins home opener last night. I’m sorry to report that they lost, but this shall not shape the season to come. I’ve gotten off track.

The reason for this letter is to tell you that something sad happened last night. Your Great Grandmother passed away. It saddens me to no end that she never got to meet you. More importantly, that you never got to met her. She was a hell of a woman (pardon my french, dear babybee, but she must be described in this manner) and made me who I am today because of it. She toughed through 5 years of ovarian cancer when they only gave her 2. And she smoked and drank her way through it! She was not about to let anyone or anything tell her what to do. She lived her life the way she wanted to, and for that I have the utmost respect for her.

Even though you’re not aware of her existence right now, she knew about you. Just a couple weeks ago, she saw your very first picture, and she was so excited for you to be here. I know that she would have spoiled you rotten the way she spoiled me. And she would have loved you very very much.

Alright, momma has to stop right this now, since she is at work, at her desk, in a room full of people, and is about to cry.

Your daddy and I love you very much. Thank you for being with me, with us, to be the light in our lives in this dark time.

Momma

PS – Thank you for helping my body feel good for the second day in a week. I don’t know how you knew I needed it today, but I did. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

So much for that.

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Posted 06 Apr 2009 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category baby business, not so much

Yeah – today? Not so much. I would have been the luckiest in the world had my good day lasted through today.

Instead, I started my day out by laying in bed wishing for another 3 hours of sleep. I slept like CRAP last night (including waking up at 2am absolutely STARVING – what’s up with that?), showered, dressed, and got to work. I ate some dry Cheerios and a banana, with some water. Then, around 10:30 – I dry heave all over my keyboard. I ran to the bathroom in fear that this was it – I was finally going to barf…and then, nothing. Nothing except feeling like ass. So, I went to the little store in my building and got a chicken & stars Soup at Hand and some gingerale. It helped.

Then, around 1pm, I was starving, and yet again – nothing sounds good AT ALL. Except…peanut butter & jelly. OH MY GOD PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY. It sounds like heaven. I rush to Macy’s Marketplace (they have triple-decker PB&Js that are the BOMB) and run to the pre-made sammich section. There are none to be found. WTF. I begin fighting back tears and bile, as my stomach is reacting horribly to the thought of not eating a PB&J.

And then, there it was – the last one, hiding with some turkey sandwiches. BLISS. I nabbed some pretzels and a fountain cherry coke and I’m back to work.

That PB&J was delicious. I’d actually like another, but I know they’re gone since I ate the last one.

Today’s goal is just feeling well enough to make it through the Twins home opener. I’d REALLY like a dome dog too (think ballpark frank but plumper and THE BEST EVER) but I don’t know if my stomach will go with it. I’ll just keep my goal on staying well enough to last through the game.

The weekend.

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Posted 30 Mar 2009 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category baby business, cancer sucks, not so much

Well, I had pretty much 2.5 days of no computer while I was home visiting my grandma and family…so that is why I’ve had a lack of updates.

Grandma is not doing well, but she’s still talking and bossing people like she is. I kept it together while I was in her hospital room, but promptly lost it once I was clear. There were so many people in the room that I couldn’t just spend time with her and tell her how much I love her. I’m planning on writing her a letter in the next couple of days just so I can fully express everything to her before she’s gone.

I did tear up a bit when we were saying goodbye – the hubs leaned in to give her a kiss and she just said – “YOU TAKE CARE OF HER! I MEAN IT!” in her usual bossy voice, but she really did mean it. And that’s what got me started with the tears.

Anyway, it was my first real experience of being out with people when everyone knew I was pregnant. I have learned that I don’t like being the center of attention. Every time people would talk about “the baby” it would just make me incredibly uncomfortable. I’m not quite sure why…I think it really is because it is still early. Everyone is so excited and happy and feeling like the baby is going to change the luck in our family…and I keep thinking – I still have a month before I can let myself really be happy. That sucks.

I also had my first real case of the crabbies. I was so effing crabby Saturday night (I think it was lack of sleep and all the baby talk at dinner) that I nearly killed someone. Also, being sober around a bunch of drunk family members may have had an impact. Regardless, I was so farking tired by the time we got home I was nearly in tears. And I slept for a long, long time.

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