Last night, the hubs, some friends and myself went to see The Cars.

The show was awesome for multiple reasons:

1) No opening bands
2) 8:20 start time
3) Dude. THE CARS.

I sang along to “You’re All I’ve Got Tonight,” “You Might Think” and “Best Friends Girl” etc and had a BLAST.

HOWEVER. I couldn’t stop laughing at how all the, ehem…older people (mostly men) seemed to be wearing the same outfit. (For men, tee shirts tucked into belted boot cut jeans and boots of some kind. Women wore cropped jeans and wedge sandals to accentuate their bottle-blond hair.) Most of the crowd was well behaved, considering the age range. Although there WAS the perfect specimen of one of my least favorite demographic.

The self-entitled baby-boomer. This guy was such a jerk that I had to take a picture of him.

The first issue I had with this loudmouth was that he was like, 7 feet tall. So was his buddy. Which meant I couldn’t see ANYTHING. There was also a guy of equal height but more…eh, width which was making the situation dire, but I figured the crowd would shift before the show started so it was fine. I let it go.

A girl and her boyfriend show up next to us and she’s MAYBE 5’2″. Which means she’s screwed if she can’t get in front of these guys. She and I talk about how those of us who are vertically challenged should be allowed to stand closer, or those over 6’4″ should probably move to the back. She decides she’s going to politely ask this guy if she and her man can stand in front of him (since this will cause no sight line issues for him AT ALL.) His response?

“Hell no! This is way too important.”

Okay. I was overlooking all his outward jerk qualities until he unleashed his inner jerk. Then it was on like Donkey Kong.

First, I don’t know how well my phone photo shows it, but this guy seems to think he’s Guy Fieri. Dunno who I’m talking about?

He’s a “chef” that wears his sunglasses on the back of his head like a jerk. This guy was doing that. Inside. For the whole show. He also was yelling something about his golf game to his buddy. I wanted to punch him in the sunglasses.

SO – the show starts and I laugh at his horrible dancing, high-fiving and mock turtleneck. Maybe a jerk move on my part since, what did he do to me?

Then he does this:

OH HELL NO. He put his camera up like this FOR AN ENTIRE SONG. He was recording it.

I don’t know that there’s a more DOUCHEY thing you can do at a concert than blocking like, 8 people’s view because you need to record a whole song ON VIDEO. Who are you going to show that to? Your girlfriend (who’s probably only dating you for the money)? The kids you lost in the divorce? YOUR MOM? None of them are interested in what you deem to be way too important.

So, in typical rowdy (not drunk at all) Jenna form, I yelled at him to knock it off, including (but not limited to) the following outbursts:

“DOWN IN FRONT!”
“MOVE YOUR DAMN CAMERA!”
“I HOPE MY YELLING MAKES IT INTO THE AUDIO!”
“GRANDPA! NO ONE CAN FUCKING SEE!”

And so on. And seriously, I wasn’t drunk. I just like to yell. A lot. Ask anyone who’s been to a baseball game with me. I make lots of friends.

In the end, the guy was a gross sweaty mess and ended his bro-gasm with his buddies with a few more high fives. I held back the sunglasses punch and the evening ended without incident. And as rant-y and rave-y as this post has been, it really didn’t ruin my evening. Just makes for good story telling.

Disclaimer: Sorry if your husband/boyfriend/brother/dad/best friend/random person you adore does any of the highlighted offenses in this blog post. But really? If you’re a good person, you’ll tell them to knock it off with the sunglasses and mock turtlenecks and self-important attitude. Everyone likes to have a good time. Don’t be the jerk who ruins it for someone else.

(Although it could be argued that my yelling ruined it for someone else. DOMINO EFFECT, PEOPLE. I can’t help it if someone else sets off the chain reaction.)