The hubs’ dad came by just as I was feeding Abby yesterday morning – then I got her packed up and in her car seat. We took her out to his car, I strapped her in, gave her a kiss and thought to myself, “I’m doing it! And I’m not crying!”
Then she looked at me with eyes that (to me) read “Where am I going? Why aren’t you coming too?” and then I could feel it. A big fat ugly cry was coming my way. So I said goodbye to her and my father in law and shut the door and promptly lost my shit.
As quickly as it came on it subsided, and I reapplied my makeup and headed on my way to the train. I was weird/nice/still weird to be back at work. Most people said welcome back…a few people I passed in the halls gave a nod as if I’d never left (and in respect to them, they probably never knew I was gone). I finally will have my own desk again by tomorrow sometime (awesome) and will probably be getting something to work on soon. In the meantime, I’m working on my self-appraisal of my work completed last year. I keep finding myself wanting to add “…and I did it WHILE PREGNANT” to everything because really…it makes everything THAT MUCH HARDER, but I don’t think it’s entirely appropriate. But seriously – how many times was I about to toss my cookies all over my keyboard but I pressed on?! Or when it felt like Abby was going to fall out of my crotch…but I still kept working?! I should really get a 10% raise just for that fact.
When I picked Abby up at her grandparents house yesterday, she had just eaten and was in (seemingly) good spirits. And then a tantrum. Complete with gagging. (Have I mentioned she’s a fan of crying till she pukes? Cause she is.) I got her calmed down and back into her carseat and back home, where she eventually had another mini-tantrum. We’re pretty sure this is all centered around her not sleeping enough. We’re working on that.
Anyway – today is day two at work, and leaving Abby this morning was a little easier. Probably due to the fact that my father in law came over to watch her at our house today, and she hadn’t even woken up yet when I left. I just hope he doesn’t have a hard time finding his way around our house while we’re gone. Or that she doesn’t cry her eyeballs out. Or should I say “cry her formula out” because really, that’s more like it.
And thank you to my friend Sue for sending me this link on Facebook yesterday in response to my “…I’m not gonna cry, I’m not gonna cry…” status update. Because really, it’s alright to cry. 
