Archive for the ‘paparazzi’ Category

Abby Fought The Wall And The Wall Won.

Posted 25 Apr 2013 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, motherhood, other people are awesome, paparazzi, toddler business

I’ve had The Clash in my head since Tuesday night. Except replacing “the law” with “the wall.” It’s just too fitting for Abby’s most recent episode.

Tuesday night, as the three of us were at the in-law’s home (waiting out another house showing) (buy my house), Abby and Papa were playing “bug hunt” in the basement. Apparently, Abby was enthusiastically running away from the vacuum when she ran straight into a wall (or a corner?), face first. I wasn’t in the room, but could hear a thud followed by blood curdling screams. I could tell almost immediately that she was for-real-seriously hurt, but when I saw her on the bottom step of the basement stairs with blood covering her face and Papa’s hand, I got woozy.

“Mom mode” kicked in and I quickly carried her up the stairs for a closer look. Nana got a paper towel and an ice cube, and we put them on her bleeding lip. It was then I realized it wasn’t just a split lip, but two perfect teeth marks DEEP into her lower lip. I knew we had to take her to the ER. This was looking like stitch territory.

intheER   (My “I am not amused” face.)

This isn’t her first trip to the ER rodeo. Back when she was nearly 1.5 years old we took her in for croup-related stridor. This though? Scary on a totally different level. She was hysterical from the pain and seeing all the blood, but we piled into the hubs’ car and headed in.

waif

Thankfully, after having her lip cleaned up (and out) (gross) the doc decided that although she could put a stitch in each hole, they would probably heal up just as well on their own, with less irritation from the stitches. (THANK GOD. Holding my child while she gets a stitch in her lip? NO THANK YOU.) She was allowed to leave with nothing more than a printout of “laceration home treatment” and a blue slushie, with the nurse letting us know that her lip was likely going to look “like hamburger” for a few days.

(He wasn’t lying. Also, he looked like Meatloaf aka “Bitch Tits” from the movie Fight Club. It really rounded out the whole ER experience.)

Abbers and I stayed home from school & work yesterday to let her face rest, and to ice her lip every few hours as the doc had prescribed. She used the time to practice being a princess. And also to eat all the food. Does a traumatic event usher in endless hunger? Girlfriend ate about 3,428 Angry Birds Honey Grahams.

princess

Today she went back to school and while her lip looks like something out of a horror movie, she assures me it doesn’t hurt so I think she’s on the mend. We took the train into downtown and I kind of felt like yelling, “STOP JUDGING, EVERYONE ON THIS TRAIN.”

today

(Sidenote: I texted my bestie during this ordeal and she mentioned what I (of course) was thinking – “Has CPS stopped by yet? :)” because GOOD LORD. Thankfully this clearly was a “toddler coordination” issue, but I’ve heard horror stories of “interviews” during ER visits from people I’ve shared this story with. So glad that wasn’t a part of this experience.)

All in all, quite the Tuesday night.

In house related news, we have another showing tomorrow (buy our house) but no offers yet. SOMEONE BUY MY HOUSE. KTHX.

Selling Our House Is Making Me Feel All The Feels.

Posted 22 Apr 2013 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category house stuffs, marriage, motherhood, not so much, paparazzi, toddler business

You guys. This house selling business? Pretty much the dumbest thing we’ve ever decided to do. I mean, yeah – in the end it will be a new chapter in our lives that shapes…blah blah zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Sorry.  So tired. Because BUY MY HOUSE.

livingroom

After stressing for a few weeks, and staging, purging, organizing, cleaning, and shoving all remaining items into closets, drawers, and please don’t look under our bed…our house hit the market Saturday morning. And minutes later, we had our first showing scheduled. Yesterday we had another, and then an open house.

It’s only been 3 days and I’m already freaking out. What if nobody buys it. What it the reasons I want to move are all the things people can see in the house?

The first couple ‘s feedback was A great house. Number two on our list. Good. VERY good.

bedroom

The second couple’s feedback? Too close to high school. Uh….I KNOW. As a newly married couple who bought this house over five years ago? We could literally give a fuck. We had many fucks to give on this topic. Now? GET OFF MY LAWN WITH YOUR CHEETOS BAGS YOU JERKS. But seriously, for 2.5 years of being in this house I didn’t care. Now? I just want a more family friendly hood in an awesome school district. (I’m so old.) So…someone has to have the capacity to look past that small issue, right? Because we did?

Back to this being a dumb idea – who the hell can keep their house this clean? I mean, I can’t even BEGIN to imagine what happens to larger families with houses that sit on the market for MONTHS. How do you keep a house SPOTLESS for that long? I mean, we’ve had ours “photo ready” since Friday and already I feel like the worst mom on the planet. On Sunday, two hours before a showing and open house, Abby managed to spill her apple juice three times that morning. After the third time I sternly told her “WE ARE TRYING TO KEEP THE HOUSE CLEAN AND YOU’RE MAKING MAMA SAD WHEN YOU SPILL.”  (Great parenting, me. That’ll stop three-year-old clumsiness.) No less than 5 minutes later, I heard her in the bathroom doing something and left my kitchen cleaning to make sure she wasn’t messing something up. When I entered the bathroom she jumped and dropped the hand towel she was struggling to retrieve. I asked her what she was doing, and she answered “nothing” which I’ve already learned is code for “something I will not disclose on the grounds that it may incriminate me.” After some coaxing, she explained that she spilled some more apple juice on the tray in the living room but I was being too mean so she didn’t want to tell me.  She was going to try to clean it up herself. When I went in the living room, it was the smallest dot of juice.

abbys

I nearly broke down in bad mama tears in front of her, but kept it in check. I was turning into a crazy person trying to keep the house clean and also managing to make my three year old terrified of me. I gave her a big hug and said sorry that I was being mean, and that I didn’t mean it. I informed her that I would be nicer, gave her a paper towel in case she spilled again (and that accidents happen and it’s not a big deal!) and that when she sells her first house she can think back on this moment when her mama had her foot in the insane asylum door and realize that selling your house really is the dumbest idea ever.

Because THEN when we looked at other houses I started getting all sad because I LIKE MY HOUSE YOU GUYS. I really do. If I could pick it up and move it somewhere else I probably would. Of course, it was built in 1932 and I feel like moving it might have structural implications, so we’re not going to explore that avenue.

I just…so many things, you guys. People who buy houses and then fix them up only to sell them again? And also do this as a business? WITH THEIR FAMILIES? Have to be slightly crazy and also on lots of emotion numbing medication because I don’t know how I’m going to get through this without there being many tears for many reasons.

This was such a dumb idea.

Best Friends.

This weekend, my bestie Martini was in town. We had plenty of things to take care of while she was here, mostly on the wedding planning front because she’s getting married in about a month. (Eeeee!) And, being the responsible Matron Duchess of Honor that I am, I hadn’t purchased a dress yet.

Sidenote: Yes. I am straight out refusing to be called a Matron of Honor because it sounds like I’m 50. Nothing against 50-year-olds, but EFFING YUCK.

So, we shopped (I found my dress and I want to wear it all the time), we drank, we stayed up late and laughed and told stories…it was just the break I needed from reality. She is by all means my best friend, my sister, and one of the few people in life that knows me to my core.

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At the same time, I have a new best friend. I knew we would be at some point, but when she said it my heart burst out of my chest only to swallow me whole. She said it once while we were shopping with Auntie Martini on Sunday, and again last night while we were falling asleep in her bed.

“Mama? You’re my best friend.”

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I know she’s only 2 (a month away from being 3), and that this feeling she has for me may not last forever, but it is one of the most wonderful things I could ever imagine her saying to me. I hope she does always think of me as her best friend. She will always be mine. (As long as Martini doesn’t mind sharing the title.)

(Thanks for reading! And if you’re interested, I have a new post over at MamaPop – “The 64th Annual Emmys: An Evening Of Fabric Thievery And Ocular Fashion Assault“)

 

Milestones: State Fair Edition

Posted 04 Sep 2012 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, motherhood, paparazzi, The Hubs

(Sidenote before I dive into this post – HOW IN HOLY HELL IS IT ALREADY SEPTEMBER?! AndPlusAlso, my birthday is next week. Start thinking of gifts to send me starting…now.)

This past weekend, we visited the State Fair. “The Great Minnesota Get-Together,” as they call it…which I think is rather hilarious since it makes it sound like an event with all your old friends, when really it’s more like “weirdos and families crawling out of the woodwork to stuff their faces and ride totally unsafe rides.” (No, REALLY.)

The hubs and I try to make it to the fair at least twice every year – once with friends (AKA adult night) and once with Abbers. This year was no different. Saturday was our adult night – we went on some rides, had a couple beers and ate until there was no room left; Pronto Pups (corn dogs), Dippin’ Dots, Fried Pickles, Garlic Fries…my mouth is watering. The hubs played a game and won me a stuffed unicorn (from Despicable Me – “IT’S SO FLUFFY!”). ANYWHO, Sunday rolled around and we waited until dinner-time to head to the fair since it was hotter than Hades and being around a bunch of sweaty people eating in the hot sun is not an ideal situation.

We grabbed some french fries and headed to the Kidway (like the Midway, but only for kids) and Abby was eager to go on rides. She’s a huge fan of the rides at the Mall of America, so this was like heaven, and made a bee-line for the bumper boats. The lovely carnie said she was tall enough to ride by herself. Josh and I looked at each other, knowing THIS was going to be her first solo ride, and agreed. I handed over the 4 tickets it cost to take the ride, and she was off.

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Like a boss.

Granted, that whole “steering” thing was an idea she didn’t grasp well, as she pretty much spun in a circle the whole time, but she LOVED it. As soon as that ride was over, she wanted more – but the hubs and I decided to join her for those. That was enough growing up for one day.

Then we made our way to the Midway, where we played more games, and Abby won herself a totally generic Nemo fish, and the hubs won her a lion. We walked by the side-show tent, and other rides, and I got excited for the day when she and I can go on the big rides together. We’ll take this one step at a time, though.

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Adult night.

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Forgive my special snowflake face.

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IT’S SO FLUFFY!

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This old guy was just rad.

Brain dump.

Posted 20 Aug 2012 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, marriage, motherhood, paparazzi, TheRapists, toddler business

I want to have a real, awesome post that makes all sorts of sense and is hilarious, but my brain is in the process of trying to straighten itself out right now, so you’re stuck with this. My bad.

  • Tomorrow morning I have an appointment to see my psycho-theRapist. It’s supposed to just be a check-in, but I’ve decided I’ve had enough of the crazy pills. I’ve been doing so very well lately, and because of this, I’ve been forgetting to take my pills. Like, I think the last time I took one before I remembered to this evening was on Friday morning. Now? I’ve got the head-spins and feel loopy. I don’t want to feel this way because I’m NOT taking something. So, it’s time to start the descent.
  • Abby is on day 4 of potty training. She’s doing really really well so far. Only a couple accidents today, and a FULL ON REQUEST to go poo-poo on the potty. (And she did.) This is just so awesome to see her able to take charge of something that SHE has control over. We have our final weekend away this weekend (THANK GOD), so we’ll be doing a 5 hour car ride with her sans diapers. This, for the most part, scares the shit out of me. But I know she can do it. I know she will have accidents. This is all part of learning. And I cannot WAIT until she has got it down.
  • We celebrated our dear friends’ wedding this past weekend in lovely Brainerd, MN. I was Tory’s personal attendant and never had more fun being someone’s bitch. (I keed Tory, I’ll be your bitch anytime.) It was an awesome locale and Tory (and Brandon) did a great job with the decor and plans. There was a slight mishap with a golf-cart later in the evening that left one friend needing 20 stitches to the face and another with a broken clavicle (yeah, I don’t think anyone wants to hear the details of that drunken joyride), but beyond that and a little rainstorm prior to the ceremony, the weekend went off without a hitch. Here’s a photo of our crazy group of friends, courtesy of Lisa Quinlan Photography:
    Yeah, I’m totally getting my ass chewed on. We’re professional drinkers, we are. I also apparently have no fear of making an fool of myself and got full on ERMAGERD.

That’s all for now. I’m being summoned for round two of get Abbers to sleep.