Just keep swimming.

Posted 11 May 2012 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category uncategorized

I am a 31 year old woman who has to plug her nose underwater.

This is one of the thoughts I had daily while we were on vacation in the Turks & Caicos. It was embarrassing.

Without plugging my nose, I panic. Without doing it my way, I feel like I’m going to drown.

My life is like a wave pool, constantly throwing me underwater, having the power to make panic.

But I’ve decided to remind myself that I can…no, I NEED to make sure that I’m doing things the way I need to do them. I need to take care of myself and make sure that I’m not drowning.

Plugging my nose shouldn’t be embarrassing. It’s the way I get by. It’s the only way I know how.

This blog is one of the ways I’ve gotten through everything life has thrown at me. My panic, the medication to dissolve the anxiety, my lack of taking care of me have unfortunately been reasons I’ve been away. I love blogging. I don’t ever want that part of me to go away.

I have a lot of things going on in my life I’m excited to write about. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that. And now I am.

Just another Thursday night.

Posted 13 Apr 2012 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category Abigail, motherhood

Tonight, Abby and I spent the evening together while the hubs attended a basketball game with friends. I put her to bed, scooped some litter and headed to my own bed, when I thought I heard Abby cry. I ran to the monitor and checked and there was nothing. Which could mean only one of three things:

1) I’m losing my mind.
2) Abby’s mastered ventriloquism in her sleep.
3) There are burglar babies breaking into my house as we speak.

So guess what? FAIL.

Posted 15 Mar 2012 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category I am a moron, not so much

Two things.

One) I started drinking soda again. Yesterday I had three. DAMMIT. I had finally gotten past the headaches and then it was like FUCK IT and then I started drinking them again. Like my friend Martini said – “Soda is addictive, like ciggies. And thank god you’re not addicted to those because that’s way worse.” I couldn’t agree more. So I’m just going to try to cut back. To only one per day max. And then try to have days where I don’t have any. (Yeah RIGHT.) Even the guy at Bruegger’s this morning said “You need the good stuff, right?” after hearing my reply to “Diet or Regular?” (REGULAR DUH.)

Whatever.

B.) My back pain? Not related to the caffeine withdrawal. That sonofabitch Chiropractor really did eff me up. (No offense people of chiropractic persuasion.)

I’m not kidding you, internets. I couldn’t get in and out of bed or the car without yelping in pain and attempting some Cirque du Soliel bullshit maneuvers to do it painlessly. There WAS no painless way. I couldn’t do anything. Sitting made it worse. Standing made it worse. Laying down hurt, but then after a full night’s sleep I’d wake up and be like “WHOA! Back to normal!” and then after standing in the shower for 5 minutes be wishing for hit to be placed on the fine gentleman who “adjusted” my back. Poo on you, dude. Friday I finally went to a doctor (read, someone who would give me pain meds) and he declared that I had a “Severe Muscle Sprain/Strain” in my lower back. No nerve damage. Just some effed up muscles (which I figured.) He prescribed the most useless pain meds ever and some muscle relaxers that knock me on my ass.

Example:
I took one after my appointment when I was home resting on the couch, and I went from being in pain and watching some Emmy quality COPS episodes, to knocked the eff out Mike Tyson style. I woke up an hour or so later so mentally handicapped that I spent the next 45 minutes trying to discern whether I was awake, or if I was dreaming that I was feeding Abby a late lunch. Turned out I was awake. And slurring.

I tried taking only half of one last night to be comfortable laying down and hoping to not go back to Mars but I still woke up in the middle of the night with no idea where I was, but believing that I just had a conversation with Cosmo Kramer and that he was probably in the living room waiting to continue our discussion. It took me about 5 minutes before I realized I had been sleeping and that I am not in a Seinfeld episode. OR AM I?

Regardless, my back is sllloowwwllyy getting better. It’s still extremely stiff and now my hips hurt, but I assume it’s from all the overcompensation the rest of my body was doing trying to not have anymore of the worst pain ever. It needs to heal, and fast. A big group of friends is headed to see Jane’s Addiction at a smaller venue on Monday, and then Thursday night I have to fly in a plane for like, 3.5 hours…which means sitting and panicking and also sitting which equals pain. BUT IT WILL BE BETTER BY THEN. Right? Yes, yes it will, Jenna.

Maybe I should have gone to detox.

Posted 07 Mar 2012 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category I am a moron, not so much

I haven’t had a soda since Sunday.

I’ve had a debilitating headache since 2pm on Monday.

I thought maybe it was sinuses since my eyes hurt, and well as my forehead, but I’m not having any other symptoms (ie snot over-production).

In the meantime, my back has been whack (see what I did there?) so I went to the chiropractor yesterday thinking it would help my headache and my back. My upper back’s been giving me grief for a week, and then yesterday the lower back was getting achy.

So, I got an adjustment. My upperback? Awesome. My lower back? Completely unusable.  I can’t do anything. I can’t bend over, I can’t walk normal, I can’t even pick up Abbers. It hurts all the time. Fer Christ’s sake – I’m sitting at my desk at work with my heating pad on. I BROUGHT MY HEATING PAD TO WORK. Ugh. I’m old.

Enter DR. GOOGLE!

Turns out I’m suffering from caffeine withdrawal. Symptoms can include headache (which can last from 1-5 days, and centers behind the eyes, and then to the front of the head), lethargy, insomnia, fatigue, and flu like symptoms, such as nausea, vomiting, muscle pain and stiffness.

Part of me is like, well, I should just have a soda and it’ll make everything better! But then I think about crack addicts and they’re all like “I’ll just smoke more crack and then I won’t feel bad anymore!” Granted, I know a 32 oz cup of Coca-cola is no crack, but I just don’t know what to do. It’s just soda. Lord knows I’m not giving it up for good, just trying to cut back. But this? RIDICULOUS. I might just have one during lunch to see if my headache subsides. Ibuprofen won’t touch it. Like, 600mgs of ibuprofen.

Isn’t there some place called the Palms where I can detox with celebs? Someone send me there.

Attempting the impossible.

Posted 05 Mar 2012 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category I am a moron, I am awesome, not so much

Any of you who know me outside of the interwebs (you know, in real life) know that I have one true vice. Soda. Specifically, Coca-Cola.

Oh, Coke. It is so delicious. Especially fountain Coke from McDonalds. I have a name for large Cokes from McDonalds. MAGIC COKE. Because they taste like liquid magic.

I’m getting off track. See?  I EFFING LOVE COKE.

The problem is, I really only ever drink soda anymore. I never drink water. Just soda. This? Is not healthy. Combined with my lack of exercise and it seems I’m growing my own innertube for our trip to the ocean in 6 weeks.

SO. I’m giving it up. No, not completely. Do you think I’m insane? Right. I’m giving up soda during the week. Only to be served on the weekends.

Already I’m struggling. I really want one right now. BUT I WILL PREVAIL.

(not ironically, when I Googled “no more coke,”
it mostly returned images of Lil’ Wayne and Charlie Sheen.
Which is awesome.)

Wish me luck.