Another confession – my fears.

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Posted 09 Nov 2007 in I am a moron

Although I’ve been thinking about this “issue” I have for some time, it kind of dawned on me last night that I think I actually have a problem.

I have a fear of using the phone.

I don’t even know if I’d call it a “fear,” I just don’t like doing it. I avoid it.

It’s weird – there are certain people (my parents & the hubs, and lately his mom) where, if my phone rings and it’s one of them, I have no problem answering it. If I have to call a stranger or order a pizza I have no problem either.

However, when ANYONE else calls (my grandmother, my grandparents, other family, ANY of my friends) I usually don’t answer. It has nothing to do with how I feel about any of these people – I love them all – I just don’t answer. Nor do I return calls when I receive them. I’ll listen to the voicemail within 24 hours, but I never call people back.

I don’t know what it is, if I’m afraid of having a conversation, or afraid of how to carry the conversation…I don’t know. I have no problem emailing people, IMing or texting, but when I actually have to speak to someone on the phone…I just avoid it at all costs.

Apparently I’m not alone.

That kind of makes me feel a little bit better, but not really. My phone rang 3 times last night. One was my friend Leslie (who I had called earlier in the day because I needed details about the weekend – so I HAD to answer it to find out), the other two were Shannon and Alissa. I didn’t answer either. I was sitting on the couch watching a movie on TV. There was no reason for me NOT to answer it.

I have sat with the phone in my hand to answer or call my friends or family – yet I just let it go until the voicemail picks up, or just give up on trying to answer.

I remember this becoming an issue the first time, right after I had a pretty bad car accident when I was about 20 years old. I didn’t call anyone, hang out, leave the house. I didn’t want contact with anyone. I had attributed it to being depressed, and after a while, it got better. It makes me wonder if I am, indeed, depressed again (I don’t feel depressed) – or just have a weird phobia.

I know some of my friends and family read this. I have basically just admitted to avoiding my phone calls. Please don’t take offense to this! I love you all – I just have this weird thing I need to deal with. I just don’t know how.

Thanks for listening. If anyone has any suggestions (aside from scripting calls like a lot of sites have suggested – that’s just weird) let me know. I need to get over this.

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