Recently, I purchased a romper at Target. I have since come to realize that I was drawn to the fabric print more than the “fashion-don’t” itself, but hindsight is 20/20, eh? I thought to myself, “I have an outdoor concert to go to on Saturday – if it’s hot, THIS WILL BE PERFECT!” WRONG.
Anyway, ROMPERS. In and of itself sound like toddlerwear. BECAUSE THEY ARE. Adults are not meant to wear rompers..for a number of reasons.
Do you see the results? MEANT FOR BABIES.
Right, so…why are rompers wrong? Well, first – let me tell you: I had fully intended on taking a photo of myself in this romper I purchased (see below) REGARDLESS of how I looked in it. THAT’S how confident I was that I wouldn’t look like shit. I was SO WRONG.
The romper in question
I tried it on in my bedroom (Do you understand that I actually purchased one without trying it on? Who the hell do I think I am? Heidi Klum!?) and OH MY GOD. Hot mess doesn’t even begin to describe what I looked like in this thing.
The romper in question did three things for my body, none of which are good:
- Hey, look! You’re five months pregnant! Oh, you’re not? WELL YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE.
- A serious case of NoAssAtAll. And trust me, after bearing a child and being on this very earth for nearly 30 years, I HAVE AN ASS.
- Yeah, I know…I have shitty posture. This romper is all, “Here! LET ME ACCENTUATE THAT FOR YOU.”
So, as quickly as it was on, it was off and lying on my bedroom floor. I poked it with a stick a few times to make sure it was really dead and stuck it back in the Target bag whence it came.
After this horrorshow, it dawned on me how horrible it would have been had I actually decided to wear it to this concert. Let’s just pretend for a second that I did look like the fabulous Target model wearing it and got to this outdoor concert. Enter…the PortoPotty.
When children wear rompers, most of the time there are crotch snaps to access poo and pee filled diapers. When ADULTS wear rompers, you pull them down to empty your bladder/poop tubes.
I would have had to sit virtually naked in a PortoJohn to cut a wiz.
I NEVER want to be naked in a PortoPotty.
EVER.
Also, the vision of the lock malfunctioning and the door being opened causing a line of people at the toilets and the entire festival grounds taking a peek at me with A ROMPER AROUND MY ANKLES and nothing else on is both hilarious and probably the worst thing ever. (You know, aside from being locked in a room with “Afternoon Delight” at 11 and on repeat. (PCU! WHAT!))
::breathes::
I took the romper back on Wednesday.
Consider yourself warned.
I have a romper by Tokidoki currently in my closet, tags still on, that is WAY too late to return. Every six weeks I try it on and say to myself, yep, you look like an ass. I need to give up on the romper. All rompers. I think I finally have the strength. I thank you.
@bitethebedbugs – THAT’S how they get you. They’re SO CUTE!!!! on the hanger, and then you put them on and you’re like, “What? This was just cute a second ago and now it’s no good!” I seriously just walked by them again at Target today and thought, “CUTE! Maybe a smaller size…”
NO. Step away from the rompers.
Glad I could help!
My bestie works at a clothing store and has been desperatly trying to get me into one of those things. She swears I would look amazing in it, but I think she’s setting me up! Just say no!
Someone else mistakenly thought the romper was a good idea too…. while preggers.
http://perezhilton.com/2010-06-25-baby-bump-romp
Oh god, it doesn’t look good.
Yeah, my stomach looked similar to Alicia Keys’. AND I’M NOT PREGNANT. Also? That may be the only time I can say “My stomach looked similar to Alicia Keys’.”
1. ZOMG. I admire you for even attempting an adult romper!
2. I just pulled myself up off the floor from laughing from the romper search results and the concept of you in a portopotty with a romper around your ankles. I die!!!!
3. I bet it didn’t look **that** bad on you. I bet you looked good, but just the romper-round-the-ankles is enough for me to pass on the idea too! 😀
and WHOA about the flooding up to your tire wheels today?!!? What is with all these storms this summer?
Reason #8462 why I should not read blogs at work.
“I would have had to sit virtually naked in a PortoJohn to cut a wiz.”
I read this line just as I was answering the dang phone. HAHA I still can’t stop laughing!!
your probably just ugly.