Archive for the ‘cancer sucks’ Category

The weekend.

Posted 30 Mar 2009 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category baby business, cancer sucks, not so much

Well, I had pretty much 2.5 days of no computer while I was home visiting my grandma and family…so that is why I’ve had a lack of updates.

Grandma is not doing well, but she’s still talking and bossing people like she is. I kept it together while I was in her hospital room, but promptly lost it once I was clear. There were so many people in the room that I couldn’t just spend time with her and tell her how much I love her. I’m planning on writing her a letter in the next couple of days just so I can fully express everything to her before she’s gone.

I did tear up a bit when we were saying goodbye – the hubs leaned in to give her a kiss and she just said – “YOU TAKE CARE OF HER! I MEAN IT!” in her usual bossy voice, but she really did mean it. And that’s what got me started with the tears.

Anyway, it was my first real experience of being out with people when everyone knew I was pregnant. I have learned that I don’t like being the center of attention. Every time people would talk about “the baby” it would just make me incredibly uncomfortable. I’m not quite sure why…I think it really is because it is still early. Everyone is so excited and happy and feeling like the baby is going to change the luck in our family…and I keep thinking – I still have a month before I can let myself really be happy. That sucks.

I also had my first real case of the crabbies. I was so effing crabby Saturday night (I think it was lack of sleep and all the baby talk at dinner) that I nearly killed someone. Also, being sober around a bunch of drunk family members may have had an impact. Regardless, I was so farking tired by the time we got home I was nearly in tears. And I slept for a long, long time.

All it took was one picture.

Posted 21 Nov 2008 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category cancer sucks, not so much

The husband’s siblings are in town as of yesterday, and so we brought our wedding album to his parents house to share since they don’t live on the mainland and hadn’t seen them yet.

We were leafing through, and in one of the “collage of faces” pages, there was my Aunt Julie. It made me stop breathing. I didn’t remember her being in the album.

We looked at the final edits book as well, and there were a few pictures of her there too.

I was just fine at their house, but as soon as I got in the car to drive home, I just started to bawl. Out of nowhere. I wasn’t holding it in or anything. I think once my subconscious realized that I was alone – everything came out all at once.

I haven’t cried like that since the weeks following her death. I kept thinking about Thanksgiving for my family (I won’t be home), and then Christmas, all without her. It still doesn’t seem like she’s really gone.

I miss her.

The unveiling.

Posted 23 Oct 2008 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category cancer sucks, I am awesome, other people are awesome

So, here it is.

I thought walking 60 miles hurt.

I was wrong.

That was nothing compaired to the pain of a foot tattoo.

But I love it. It was worth every painful minute.

Walk Run to Uptown Tattoo and make an appointment with Zack. You won’t be sorry.

I’ve decided.

Posted 08 Oct 2008 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category cancer sucks

I’ve had an appointment with a tattoo artist booked for months now. A while ago, I went in for a consult about getting a half sleeve tattoo that’s partially a memorial tattoo for Julie. I can’t commit to that much skin. I’m not ready yet.

However, I decided that since this guy is booked out almost 4 months, that instead, I’d use the time to get a tattoo commemorating the 3-Day walk – on my right foot. I’ve been planning on doing this all along, and I’ve finally figured out what to get. In fact, I figured it out in the shower this morning.

It’s going to be a pink ribbon, formed into a cursive “J”, with a safety pin holding it in the middle, giving the appearance of going through my skin. I’m so excited. I’m meeting up with my tattooer – Zach – on Friday before we leave for Sconnie for the weekend, and then my appointment is on the 22nd.

It’s the closure I need for this 3-Day, and for Julie.

"It’s all about the experience."

Posted 24 Sep 2008 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category cancer sucks, I am awesome

Well, I survived the 3-Day. I walked every single mile of the 60 (or more like, 70, from what I gathered) that were laid in front of us. My feet are blistered, my hips feel arthritic, and I am only today able to form complete thoughts and sentences.

Yes, the experience was awesome. I laughed cried, and writhed in pain with everyone there.

The first day was 21+ miles. I got through the day okay, it was hot and sunny (which I’d take any day over cold and rainy). For lunch we were served chicken sandwiches that were still frozen. Luckily I’d eaten about 2,385 Uncrustables that day so I wasn’t all that hungry. My feet didn’t start to ache until about the 18th mile, but it made walking those last 3 miles unbearable. We got to camp, set up our tent and headed to dinner; spaghetti and meatballs, with a salad and breadsticks – yummy. I checked my “mail” at the 3-Day post office and had gotten a card from my BFF Martini, which made me cry, of course. And then laugh because she’d mentioned eating pixie stix to energize for the walk – which I actually had done that day. Then, off to the showers, and then off to bed…at 8:30. We were so tired, I think we both fell asleep around 9pm.

The next day, we were up bright and early at 6am for breakfast and early morning stretching. I was surprised how good my feet and legs felt after hobbling back to camp the night before. Today’s agenda – 22+ miles. Yuck. The morning flew by – no problems. Lunch was delicious – chicken teriyaki wraps. After lunch, by about mile 15, the feet started to hurt again. My dear friend Leslie showed up at the late afternoon cheering station with her cutie patootie dogs. The rest of the day was a struggle, but I made it back to camp with much cursing and limping. Upon inspection of my feet that evening, I had quite the blister circus on my heel and toe – not to mention my calf muscles wouldn’t de-cramp. So, after another awesome dinner of chicken picatta and wild rice, I showered and then headed to the medical tent. I was told I had to wait in two different lines – the blister line and the sports medicine line. I chose the blister line – I’d rub my calves out myself. After an hour and a half of waiting, I had my toes taped together and my heel taped up – ready to face the next morning. (I also nabbed a couple packets of Biofreeze for my calves – it was AMAZING.)

The next morning – I was up bright and early at like, 5:15. My calves felt better, and the tape on my feet had held up through the night in my sleeping bag. We got up, I put on my shirt honoring Julie, ate one last meal at camp, packed up our things, and hit the road at 7am. Today we had 17+ miles ahead of us. Seemingly easy after the first two days. Boy, was I wrong. After the 6th mile, my feet ached so badly, and my hips and calves were in so much pain. It was another hot day. Leigh and I pressed through the pain and carried on. Lunch was turkey (yay for no more chicken!) and bacon sandwiches. Stopping at the pit stops and lunch felt like it hurt more than it helped. We felt like we just needed to keep walking. Finally we were back in downtown St. Paul. I was limping horribly at this point. (Video to come.) I was trying not to cry from pain and mental & emotional breakdown. Then, the finish. I started walking through the “people tunnel” to the finish and just started sobbing. I’d actually walked every single mile and made it to the end! There were fellow walkers, survivors, crew members I’d befriended along the way cheering me on. I just couldn’t take it – it was like a complete emotional collapse. Right at the end where we’re officially scanned in as having finished, my teammate (and survivor) Marcia was waiting. We both cried and hugged. It was the greatest feeling of all time.

The husband met up with me about an hour after I finished, then he went to the capitol to wait for the closing ceremony. It was very emotional. I somehow managed to be on the same side as the husband, his parents and my other BFF and her BF who were cheering me on. When the survivors came into the ceremony, all of the walkers went down on one knee (not an easy feat at this point) and raised a shoe in the air. A fellow walker whose mother passed in June from the disease was overcome with emotion. It was really hard, but we were there to support her.

And then, it was over. Over 3,000 walkers, and $7.3 million dollars raised – in the Twin Cities alone. I contributed over $3500 to it myself, and my team nearly $20,000.

Again, it was an awesome experience. Will I do it again? Maybe. Certainly not in the near future – physically it was far more demanding than I ever imagined. I will definitely be at a cheering station next year cheering on the walkers. They really helped.

Thank you to anyone who helped me through this – either via a donation or even just a word of encouragement. It was an awesome experience for sure – and an even more awesome cause.