Archive for the ‘cancer sucks’ Category

I’m so screwed.

Posted 02 Sep 2008 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category cancer sucks, I am a moron

*not me, but may as well have been.
Number of hours (one way) to cabin: 5.5
Number of cigarettes smoked over four days: 9
Number of beers drank over four days: ?? (lost track after 20)
Number of miles walked over four days: 0
Number of weeks until 3-Day 60 mile walk: 2.5

I hope my lungs heal up before I start walking again Thursday. I’ve got 5 miles Thursday and 18 on Saturday.

How in God’s name will I ever do this walk? I was confident I could do it before last weekend.

Now I’m not so sure.


Posted 27 Jun 2008 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category cancer sucks, I am a moron, The Hubs

That is the word I would use to describe this week, at best.

I walked almost 11 miles on Saturday with A. We, of course, talked the whole time. I hadn’t seen her in quite a while, so I filled her in on my trip to the PHX and my awesome average ten year reunion. She told me about her experience at the Brewers game a few weeks ago and about her trip to SF, CA coming up. In the afternoon, the husband and I assembled our 7 piece patio set. As soon as it was built the hubs sat down to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

(And show off his six-pack.)

Saturday night we went to a friend’s house to watch the show we had sold our tickets to, in order to purchase said patio set. Our friends B and T have an apartment with a balcony overlooking the park where the concert took place. We didn’t miss much.

Sunday, I had contemplated power cleaning, but only got a little done.

Tuesday my tooth was hurting beyond belief, so I stayed home from work. I nearly ODed on Advil (is that possible) and proceeded to clean our house like it hadn’t been in a long time. That felt wonderful. Now if we can just keep it that way…

Wednesday I worked out at the Y after work. I also learned a lesson. Running shorts + Yoga + Pilates = Ass shown for all to see. I forgot about how running shorts A) aren’t long, and 2) have flaps for air circulation/flexibility that allow others to view my ass. Awesome.

Yesterday I learned that my mom tested negative for the BRCA gene. This is such great news. Moreover, it means that I need only look to my dad’s side of the family for that possibility for me. Last night, I did nothing. The husband and I made our own dinners. I watched almost 3 hours of The First 48. I love that show. I’m half convinced I should have been a detective or crime scene person. The hubs also watered the lawn.

(There he is showing off his manly physique again.)

Tonight, the husband and I are going to cheer on the Twins as they take on the Brewers yet again. Tomorrow, I have to be up at 4:45am in anticipation of my teammates for the 3 Day coming over to meet before our 12.5 mile walk. It will be a full day, to say the least.

Back on track.

Posted 13 May 2008 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category cancer sucks, The Hubs

It’s been an exhausting couple of weeks.

After Julie died, I doubled as dedicated corporate employee (working 8 hour days from my parent’s house or dad’s office) and emotional support for everyone in my family. The hubs came on Wednesday night, and the funeral was Thursday, May 1st – exactly three years to the date that Julie was diagnosed with breast cancer. (I found that creepy.) The hubs and I hung around my parents place until Saturday and drove back to Minneapolis. My Aunt Mitzi and my grandma followed us in their own car – to get away, and to see the house. It was super nice having them there, and I’m guessing a nice change from the stress that had been the previous three weeks. We went to the horse track on Sunday, I lost $40. But we had a ton of fun. They left on the next day.

Then, last Wednesday, the hubs and I and a couple of his buddies got on a plane and went to Chicago for a couple baseball games and beer consumption. White Sox fans are a different breed. Not like Twins fans. :) But they beat us anyway. We went to a Cubs game too while we were there. It was colder than a witches teat (what does that mean anyway?) and I ended up having to buy a coat on Friday for the Cubs game. Luckily, there’s a store in Wrigleyville called Belmont Army and it’s my second favorite store in the country. (My favorite is Aprie in Seattle.) I got a Free People coat for 40% off. (And then went back after the game and bought a pair of jeans and a couple tee shirts.) Chicago has the GREATEST shopping, but since I was with three dudes, sports and beer reigned supreme. At least I got a little bit in. We flew back on Saturday and spent Mother’s day at the hubs’ parents house.

The past few nights I’ve been having serious trouble sleeping. I keep having really vivid dreams about death, my family, or doing things out of the ordinary for me to do. I usually wake up sweating and can’t fall back asleep. Before I woke up this morning at 2:30am, I had a dream I was living with someone who had bugs and maggots all over their house and furniture and they did nothing about it. When I finally fell back asleep, I dreamed about my aunt Mitzi and her brother planning to purposely OD on something at my grandma’s. I was curled up next to Mitzi when she died, but I didn’t know she had because my body heat was keeping her warm. My grandma decided she didn’t want anyone else to be in the house she lived in – so she set fire to the place with herself, my aunt, uncle and mom inside. She made me leave. I woke up at 3:30 am and immediately started thinking about Julie being in the hospital. I cried for over an hour before I fell back asleep again.

I’m scared this will never go away. I cry randomly and quietly. Little things remind me of Julie (both when she was healthy and right before she died). I can’t imagine how her boys are coping. I’m afraid to go to sleep tonight.

Anyway, today I plan on walking (training) for the first time in a month. It’s only 3 miles today, but it needs to be done. I’m so far behind. I didn’t train at all since all this crap happened with my aunt & being in Chicago.

T-minus 16 days until I get to see my BFF! A girls weekend is just what the doctor ordered. :)

I hear a robin out my window…

Posted 28 Apr 2008 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category cancer sucks

…I used to have a See and Say at my grandmothers house. There was a panel with a picture of a robin on it that had the same song. Except, I think it just said, “The bird says…” I’ve always been able to recognize that song as a robin’s because of that See and Say, since I was about 5 years old.

Julie died just about an hour ago.

Local forecast.

Posted 25 Apr 2008 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category cancer sucks

I’m in Wisconsin now. Had a bus trip from hell to get here (Megabus – I don’t know that I recommend it), and I’ve been in the dairy state since 6am yesterday morning.

I worked a little yesterday (even with only 3 hours sleep), showered, and then went over to Julie’s house. She’s aged at least 20 years since I saw her a few weeks ago at Easter. She was actually up and about when we got there, but then after about an hour or so, hospice nurses and more family showed up, so my mom and I left to try to ease the cramped feeling the house was beginning to feel. She’s still in an immense amount of pain.

My mom got up this morning and headed over without me while I stayed home and worked. (Luckily I have a job that allows me to be able to work from any remote location). Later, mom called to say they were taking Julie to the hospital, since her pain was not in control, even with enough meds flowing through her to kill a horse. My mom asked if I could clean the bathrooms for her today so she wouldn’t have to worry about it. Of course, I obliged, then deemed it necessary to pick up and clean the entire house. (Shopping isn’t my only therapy – cleaning is too.) So, yeah. Now, I’m sitting at the dining room table with my laptop on, watching the weather channel since the whole area is under a tornado watch. The weather today encompasses the general feeling around our family. Unsettled, with a possibility of a disaster.