Last night, I actually packed the remainder of the bedroom, save a few drawers of my lil ikea dresser. All that remains are some breakables in the living room and the kitchen. I wish I hadn’t packed the camera already – I’d show pictures of the hellaciousness that is our apartment. The cats are having a field day with all the boxes and insanity.

After reading my dear friend’s blog this morning…I suddenly grew sad (again) that I won’t be home over Christmas. I mean, my parents are coming up here the 22-24th, so at least I get to see them, but I won’t get to see any of my friends. I don’t have any siblings, so I’ve come to rely on my girlfriends as my extended family. Martini is my BFF, we’re seriously like sisters. The rest of my girlfriends are like my cousins, I’ll say. But still – not being able to see them around the holidays makes me really sad. A few of my friends from back home have been my friends for over 20 years. That’s ridiculous – and why they’re like family.

It’s strange, while I will be missing out on seeing my whole family as well over the holidays, that isn’t hitting me as much yet, as much as not seeing my friends is. My mom’s family is going to Tahoe for the holiday, sans my parents. My two little cousins that were just born this summer will be there, whom I have yet to meet. It’s a bummer. I only choked up a little at Thanksgiving, when I talked to my mom on the phone and could hear everyone in the background. I think Christmas is going to be different.

Alright – I’ll try to snap out of my crabbies and get cheery since we’re moving and that’s happy times!

…where I suddenly realize why I’ve been down in the dumps lately. Yes, I suppose it’s partially the “post wedding blues” which I hate to admit but is sadly a real condition. I’ve also realized it’s my job. I’ll explain.

Post-Wedding Blues
This has nothing to do with the fact that my “glory day” is over and that the spotlight is no longer on me. Anyone who knows me knows I don’t care to have all the attention on me. Sometimes is nice, but whatever. It’s mostly because, for everyday of a 14 month time span, I was planning something and devoted most of my brainpower to make everything perfect for one day. And, surprisingly, I did it – with help from my best friends and family. However, since the wedding’s been over, I have nothing to do. I mean, it took me 2 months to get my thank you notes out and that was my only responsibility. I just always had something to do; whether it be calling 836 florists for pricing or just worrying about time lines, I had purpose.

My Job
I won’t say where I work. But I basically work for an internet type company. And my job is to update and develop their websites. Except, lately I’ve been stuck on a project and am starting to feel like a minute cog that no one knows exists. I’m not going to say I hate my job, because when I am working on something fun, I really enjoy it. But I’ve been so bored lately, and not challenged, I’m basically in the same type of “wedding funk” – I have no purpose.

I know I’m moving in a month, so I’ll start to do my ultra-nerdy and organized thing again, but for now, I need to remind myself that I have a life outside of my job…and that I don’t need a wedding to plan to feel useful. I need to start hanging out with my friends more often and (*gasp*) stop fearing the phone and start communicating with my friends and family more often. (I almost thought about blaming this on being an only child and not having good social/life skills, but I digress.)

So, there – crabby, depressed, incommunicado me. I’m going to make myself be happy and like the old Jenna again if it’s the last thing I do.

On a side note, I bought a pack of cigarettes today. I don’t care if I start smoking again. It made me happy and I kind of miss it. Plus, I’m sure once this pack is gone I’ll hate it again and probably quit.