Archive for the ‘I am a moron’ Category

I’m an 80 year old woman.

Posted 12 Dec 2007 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category I am a moron, The Hubs


So, I fell coming down the stairs at my husband’s parent’s house last night. It was nearly the first thing I did when I got there.

It was those damn deck shoes that got me in trouble a few posts back. At the top of the stairs, I thought for a moment about how I should take my shoes off so I don’t track snow into their house. Then I realized the hubs had already gone into the basement with his on, so in order to keep the socks dry, I kept the shoes on. I made it down the stairs just fine. When I took my first step on the basement floor, I was down. (Mind you, this isn’t just a cement floor, it’s a PAINTED cement floor. Perfect for slipping on in low traction shoes.)

I honestly had no time to do anything but fall. I must have started to turn my body to grab onto something, because I fell right on my right hip. HARD. My left elbow took some of the brunt, and I also apparently hurt my right knee. Today, my whole right side of my lower back is screaming, on top of all those other injuries.

I’m an 80 year old woman slipping on the basement floor.

The first thing I did after I landed was yell “FFFUUUUCCCCKKKKK!!!” This may have been a poor choice of word considering the hubs’ parents don’t appreciate that word very much. They certainly have never heard it come out of my mouth (although I’ve warned them that I do, in fact, have a sailor’s mouth, they just don’t get to hear it).  He came running to see what had happened, and apparently it must have looked like I fell all the way down the stairs. I may as well have.

Point of telling this story? I don’t know how I’m going to move ANYTHING in the next few days. Worse yet – my team at work is going bowling on Thursday. I need to have my A game!

It’s a just a travesty, for sure.

*Side note – while searching the internet for pictures of people falling down stairs, I came across this page. Yes, that is a stock photo of a woman making her self vomit, and the same couple being stoked about a pregnancy test, and also terrified. Ah, the land of stock photography.

Freakin snow, part deux.

Posted 05 Dec 2007 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category I am a moron, other people are morons

It snowed again yesterday. Traffic looked something like this for rush hour last night and this morning. “Well, Jenna – you’re lucky! You don’t have to commute on freeways – you take the bus on city streets!”

Wrong.

I left work around 4:30 last night, and walked the skyways to my bus stop on 7th & Hennepin. I waited for 10 minutes without seeing a 6 (my bus of choice), so, I took the first bus going my way (but not all the way) – a 12. We then proceeded to get stuck in traffic, making it take almost 20 minutes to get to 11th street. That’s right, 4 blocks in 20 minutes. RIDICULOUS. Everyone turns into asshole and/or bad drivers when it snows here. To make matters worse, some obese woman(?) stood near me in the rear of the bus, and she smelled as though she hadn’t showered in a month. And I’m not talking BO stink here – more like a rotten sweet smell. The thought right now is brining up bile as we speak. UGH. Anyway – I assumed we’d pass a 6 on the way into Uptown that I could hop on at the Transit Station to take me the 6 blocks more I needed to get home. And….nothing.

I waited, and then decided to start walking. While wearing these shoes. All I could think of was my cute boots sitting in my warm apartment that I had neglected to wear. Then I couldn’t help thinking about how wet my feet were and how canvas deck shoes aren’t meant for snow hiking. In any case – I walked the whole way home without seeing a 6 – so at least I sort of made the right choice.

But enough about the weather – book club last night was super fun. We decided to read this book first – Candy Girl, by Diablo Cody. The description:

Diablo Cody was twenty-four years old when she decided there had to be more to life than typing copy at an ad agency. On a whim, she signed up for amateur night at Minneapolis’s seedy Skyway Lounge. She didn’t win a prize that night, but she discovered that stripping delivered a rush she had never experienced before, and too many experiences to not write about it. While she didn’t fit the ordinary profile of a stripper—she had a supportive boyfriend, was equal parts brainpower and beauty, was from a good family, and was out to do a little soul searching—she soon immersed herself in this enticing life full-time.

Sounds fairly interesting. We decided on a light, quick read for this month since the holidays are coming up (not to mention I’m moving in a little over a week), so I should be able to handle it. I should buy it soon so I can read it before our next meeting in January.

And…back to work.

Another confession – my fears.

Posted 09 Nov 2007 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category I am a moron

Although I’ve been thinking about this “issue” I have for some time, it kind of dawned on me last night that I think I actually have a problem.

I have a fear of using the phone.

I don’t even know if I’d call it a “fear,” I just don’t like doing it. I avoid it.

It’s weird – there are certain people (my parents & the hubs, and lately his mom) where, if my phone rings and it’s one of them, I have no problem answering it. If I have to call a stranger or order a pizza I have no problem either.

However, when ANYONE else calls (my grandmother, my grandparents, other family, ANY of my friends) I usually don’t answer. It has nothing to do with how I feel about any of these people – I love them all – I just don’t answer. Nor do I return calls when I receive them. I’ll listen to the voicemail within 24 hours, but I never call people back.

I don’t know what it is, if I’m afraid of having a conversation, or afraid of how to carry the conversation…I don’t know. I have no problem emailing people, IMing or texting, but when I actually have to speak to someone on the phone…I just avoid it at all costs.

Apparently I’m not alone.

That kind of makes me feel a little bit better, but not really. My phone rang 3 times last night. One was my friend Leslie (who I had called earlier in the day because I needed details about the weekend – so I HAD to answer it to find out), the other two were Shannon and Alissa. I didn’t answer either. I was sitting on the couch watching a movie on TV. There was no reason for me NOT to answer it.

I have sat with the phone in my hand to answer or call my friends or family – yet I just let it go until the voicemail picks up, or just give up on trying to answer.

I remember this becoming an issue the first time, right after I had a pretty bad car accident when I was about 20 years old. I didn’t call anyone, hang out, leave the house. I didn’t want contact with anyone. I had attributed it to being depressed, and after a while, it got better. It makes me wonder if I am, indeed, depressed again (I don’t feel depressed) – or just have a weird phobia.

I know some of my friends and family read this. I have basically just admitted to avoiding my phone calls. Please don’t take offense to this! I love you all – I just have this weird thing I need to deal with. I just don’t know how.

Thanks for listening. If anyone has any suggestions (aside from scripting calls like a lot of sites have suggested – that’s just weird) let me know. I need to get over this.

One more thing…

Posted 19 Jan 2007 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category I am a moron, wedding whatnots

…I forgot to mention. In an earlier post I had mentioned about how I felt as though some of the people planning their weddings “didn’t have jobs” because of their planning/bios/scrapbooks. Well, America…I have become one of those girls. And I do have a job. I kept telling myself this whole wedding planning thing wasn’t going to take over my life, but it kind of has. I’m guilty of talking about it all the time (I’m sure with people who don’t care too much, either), I’m on theknot.com’s discussion boards like, all the time…and I’m constantly trying to stay one step ahead of the next planning activity – and staying as organized about all of it as I can. I’m embarassing myself now.

Alright…I’ve admitted it. *sigh* How many months till August?

20 minutes of terror.

Posted 08 Dec 2006 — by Mrs. Jenna
Category I am a moron

Okay – I have to let you all in on my 20 minutes of terror this morning.

I get up, get in the shower, and within like, 2 minutes of showering realize my engagement ring is not on my finger. I check my other hand for rings (wondering if I had for some reason taken them all off before going to bed) – but they were all there. Engagement ring = missing. My plan of having enough time to shave my legs is thrown out the window – did I even condition my hair? Who knows.

I rush out of the shower and check the possible spots I would have left it and it’s not there. It’s slowly occurring to me that I TOOK IT OFF IN MY SLEEP!!! WHAT?! Then I start crying and flash back on the gorgeous star sapphire ring my parents gave me on my 16th birthday and how I managed to lose that within 2 weeks of getting it. Lo and behold, after 20 minutes of tearing all the bedding off and ransacking the house, the fiance picked up a throw rug in our bedroom and it rolled off.

Uh, yeah. So – I TOOK MY RING OFF IN MY SLEEP. Please, please tell me someone else has done this before. I may need to glue this thing on.